How sleeping with your ex during lockdown can help you get closure from your broken relationship?

How sleeping with your ex during lockdown can help you get closure from your broken relationship?

It’s not unusual for exes to get back in touch with one another after a breakup, but in lockdown, it seems to be happening more than ever. 

How sleeping with your ex during lockdown can help you get closure from your broken relationship?

Sex with your ex ever a good idea? 


Here is a case of a couple who got back in touch with each other during the lockdown and she explained how it helped her close the chapter on their relationship. Her story made me feel overwhelmed, so she and her ex-boyfriend parted their ways and put an end to their relationship 10 years back for the first time. But even after that, they got back together and just got graduated from separate universities and of course, they tried their level best of making their long-distance relationship work for two years. 


But as time passed by, suddenly back in their hometown things started falling apart and it didn’t work out the way they planned. They don’t know why suddenly it was like they both were speaking different languages and one would turn to the other and say, “something doesn’t feel right” and the other person would take it personally and cry and go back to bed turning their back against each other. 


In hindsight, they both were two young adults who had just entered the real world with fewer of the distractions that student life offered and even fewer job prospects, both just months away from being diagnosed with different mental health conditions. Finally, they decided that they both are drifting apart from each other and it’s time to part ways. But it didn’t happen, they got back together and broke up again several times in the three years or so that followed. They found other relationships but then again, they find their way back to each other. It was like they both were kind of addicts who just kept slipping back into each other’s lives in the hope that this ‘time’ yes, this ‘time’ things would be different. 


Eventually, we all get tired of playing games we’re not good at. So, when she moved to London to pursue her writing career both concluded that they would stop talking to each other and both agreed and respected each other’s decision. 


And the time passed by, and four years later, a month before lockdown in March 2020, she started having vivid dreams of him where she saw a completely recurring character in her dreams and not a particular narrative of him. He was not on social media, so she had no clue where he was or what he was doing. 


But she started thinking about him again so to get him out of her brain she texted him on his old number.  “Hi, it’s me. I know we haven’t spoken in a long time but I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing OK, wherever you are right now. I don’t expect you to reply to this but I just wanted to say I really hope things are better for you” she said.  


She was really nervous and she hit the send button by looking at her friend, who grind at her with Godmother energy and encouraged her to do this.  


PING! PING! her phone buzzed “ “It’s so great to hear from you! Yeah, it’s been a long time. I’m doing really well thanks. I hope you are too. We should catch up. It’s good to be back in touch” he replied. 


Was I… crying? “No, I swear, I’m just really relieved to hear he’s doing OK”, she told her friend.  Then eventually they both started texting each other daily and then video calling (as became the lockdown trend). After knowing each other after such a long time she then discovered that he was really thriving: he had a great job that he loved, he’d sorted out some of his issues and his mental health had never been better. 


Due to lockdown, she moved back to her parent’s house and the guy was also living in the next town. So as days passed by and a few months later they decided to meet up in person at his house. ‘I like to think I had absolutely zero intentions, but I stood on that doorstep with freshly shaven legs “for confidence” she said. He opened the door, smiled, and wrapped her in a bear hug. He looked happy, healthy, and yes damn, he looked great.


Despite the fact they just hugged each other, they sat on opposite sides of his L-shaped sofa. She was a bit nervous that something could happen so she tucked her legs in and they both started having a conversation. They both enjoyed and asked about friends and family, laughed, and joked. 


She could feel tension on her face but was trying to keep it still and she noticed in his eyes too. They both told stories of their last relationship and how they’d both ended badly. ‘He not-so-subtly dropped in how it was “the final nail in the coffin” for him, and how he was going to stay single for the rest of his life. A bit extreme, I thought. But then he always was’ she said Then, his face relaxed and the atmosphere changed and he asked her “ I… can I kiss you?” and then they just had sex right there on the L-shaped sofa. “I got dressed almost immediately after, just like old times,” she said. 

A few days later on video call, he asked her ‘how was she feeling about what happened’. ‘Fine’ she told him and herself. “ It’s great to be back in touch,” he said. And with so much ecstasy she replied “ yes it is”. They had sex a few times later in 2020 and aside from that their relationship was better than ever. 


“He returned to being one of my closest confidants, and the inside jokes and nicknames came back too. I called him one of my best friends while deleting my dating apps and making a Spotify playlist called “Love” with a heart emoji, with songs like All Of Me by John Legend and A Thousand Years by Christina Perri” she said. 

So, what happens now a friend asked her a couple of weeks before Christmas. ‘We’re  are not getting back together’ ‘That’s never going to happen’ she told her. But she was not interested in seeing someone else right now and she thought of doing this forever. Right? But how would that work? Will they move in and live together? 

“Oh no! he wants to live alone right and maybe one day I could live, like, down the road. The way Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton used to have adjoining houses or something” she said. Then her friend told her this: He’s getting exactly what he wants and you’re just going to put your whole life on hold to, what, not be with him? Of course, you’re not interested in seeing anyone else; you’re never going to hunt if you’re already being fed.” There was nothing she could say back to her. 


“I’d completely fallen back in love with him and he was ticking along like nothing had changed” shared by her. 


And as months passed by talking to each other, video calling, meeting each other 2020 turned to 2021, and then boom something did change. 


She was thinking deeply about something and then she realized a few things that now she doesn’t want to sleep with him anymore. When she will go to his house and later sex will come, she will say no because she made a firm decision that she doesn’t actually want to do. 


Later in the afternoon, she met him and she sat in the same spot on his L-shaped sofa and told him that she thought about it a lot and concluded that they both should stop doing this. 


‘The pendulum had swung back to me for the first time and I felt powerful’ she said.

She started to really like him again, holding ( almost) nothing back. She told him that their friendship matters more to her than the sex they had. She doesn’t want to lose this friendship but, if they keep sleeping together, she knows that she’s just going to get hurt. 


“OK!” he said. 


Because this isn’t just sex, is it? she asked. 

“….. it is to me,” he said. After hearing this she was completely disheartened and shattered. She will never know if he really meant that, or needed to convince himself of it. But it didn’t matter now because he told very clearly that from his side there were no feelings involved and it was just a fling. After knowing the reality, she felt as if everything changed in just a few minutes and she felt bad about it as though now they’ve become complete strangers who don’t know each other. And at that moment, a classic popped into her head saying:  “He’s just not that into you”. But from her side, there were pure feelings involved and she was really into him.

“Relationship or no relationship, I just wanted to express with every breath in my body how into him I was. I didn’t care about labels or living in the same house. But he wasn’t into me. He just wasn’t. I started looking back at our relationship, the way Tom does in 500 Days Of Summer, and seeing things differently. Was he ever as into me as I was to him?” she said. 

She now knew what she needed to do and she was completely sure and ready for it this time. They’ve broken up and parted their ways in the flesh dozens of times before,  but this time she needed to break with the version of him that was still living inside her head. Of course, she ensured that this would be the last and final breakup. 


The 19- year old with curly hair who was the personification of him of that first, passionate love. But this time she needed to draw a fine line between this 15- year saga instead of waiting for him and always waiting for him. She realized, 10 years later it is easier to walk away because now she know her ‘worth’ and everything she loved about him isn’t exclusive to him. 

“I don’t regret getting back in touch with him; we had a lot of unfinished business and, underneath it all, there’s a deep connection that will always be there. Now, though, I realize it’s not a romantic one” she said. 

In conclusion, she realized that it was time to move on with a new chapter in her life and be strong and a better version of herself. And getting back with her ex during lockdown made her realize a lot of things and especially helped her close the chapter on their relationship. Lastly, she now knows her worth by closing that chapter of her life with him.


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