Struggling with heartbreak? Here’s a real, step-by-step guide on how to deal with heartbreak, let go of pain, and feel like yourself again.
The question we Google when we’re crying into our pillow at 2 a.m., re-reading old texts, or hearing “your song” in a coffee shop that suddenly ruins your entire day.
Heartbreak isn’t just emotional. It’s physical. Scientific studies show your brain reacts to rejection like it reacts to injury. So yes — the pain is real. But so is the healing. You just need a map. Here’s a real, honest, step-by-step guide to surviving heartbreak and coming out stronger on the other side.
Step 1: Go no contact — and mean it
Block. Mute. Unfollow. Archive the chat. Do whatever you need to do to remove them from your daily digital life. No, you don’t need “closure.” No, you don’t need to be friends “one day.” Right now, you need peace.
This isn’t about being bitter. It’s about protecting your nervous system.
Step 2: Let it hurt — all the way
Don’t rush to “be okay.” Cry. Journal. Scream into a pillow. Your feelings aren’t dramatic — they’re data. Letting the pain out is how your body processes it. Suppressing it? That’s how it lingers.
Write the angry letter you’ll never send. Say everything. Then delete it. Or burn it. Ritual helps.
Step 3: Remove the fantasy lens
After a breakup, your brain will try to play highlight reels of the good moments. That’s normal. But you have to actively remind yourself of the whole story — the ignored texts, the feeling of confusion, the unmet needs.
- Write a list: 10 reasons the relationship wasn’t right
- Don’t romanticise breadcrumbs
- Don’t chase closure — you create it
Step 4: Reclaim your space
Wash the sweatshirt. Change the playlist. Move the furniture. Heartbreak lives in physical objects — don’t let your room become a shrine to your past.
New scents, new sounds, new visuals = new memories. Your environment reflects your healing.
Step 5: Talk to someone who won’t say “just move on”
You don’t need solutions. You need safety. Vent to a friend. Call your mum. Talk to a therapist. Heartbreak isn’t something to solve — it’s something to feel through with help.
Step 6: Rebuild the version of you that existed before them
You weren’t always heartbroken. Go back to that girl who loved painting, or dancing, or hiking at 6am. Reconnect with your pre-relationship identity.
- Pick up an old hobby
- Revisit friends you distanced from
- Remind yourself: your life is bigger than this pain
Mid-article reads to help you reset:
Step 7: Unfollow the timelines
You don’t have to be “over it” in 30 days. There’s no magic number. Some people take weeks, some take months. It’s not linear. Some days you’ll feel okay. Then you’ll cry in a grocery store for no reason. That’s healing too.
Step 8: Let go of the “what ifs”
What if we’d just waited longer? What if I’d said that one thing? These thoughts will come. Greet them. Then let them go. They’re stories. Not truth.
Step 9: Focus on micro-wins
- Brushed your teeth? Win.
- Went for a walk? Win.
- Didn’t text them today? Massive win.
Healing is built in moments. Celebrate them.
Step 10: Visualise what love can look like next
Not rebound love. Not distraction. But real, grounded love. One that sees you. Hears you. Holds space for all of you. Let that version guide your healing — not the one you had to beg for.
Also read:
You will not always feel like this
It doesn’t matter if the relationship was three weeks or three years. Pain is pain. But pain is also temporary. What you're feeling right now? It won't last forever.
You’re not weak for hurting. You’re strong for healing. One step, one deep breath, one day at a time.
How to deal with heartbreak isn’t about forgetting someone. It’s about remembering who you are without them — and building something stronger from the pieces you pick back up.