When You Have Young Children, How To Have Sex?


When You Have Young Children, How To Have Sex?

Children are wonderful wonders, but they obliterate your sex life. Kids make it seem almost impossible to ever imagine having an active sex life again, from clinging to your side at all hours of the day to knocking on your bedroom door at night to draining every ounce of your vitality.

But there is reason to be optimistic! When you have young children, here's how to have a sex life.


Communication is essential in every relationship, but it is more so for new parents. As parents of small children, you won't be able to have a sex life if you can't converse about it. It's all too easy for things to go unspoken, leading to irritation and bitterness.

Discuss the difficulties of sustaining a sex life in a quiet, private setting. Ask each other what you need to be comfortable with sex. As I already stated, you may require vastly different items. One partner may want more assistance with household tasks, while the other may desire more alone time. Anything that is a source of concern for one of you should be a source of concern for the other. Commiserate with each other about the issues you're having, even if you can't come up with solutions. You'll both feel a lot better if you feel like you're on the same team, acknowledging your complaints together.

It's possible that you'll communicate with your children as well. You can begin discussing the need for privacy and space with your children. You can also have age-appropriate conversations with your children about sex.

Stay Connected and be supportive to your partner

Even when you have young children, being connected to your partner takes a lot of effort. However, in order for your relationship to exist, it requires that amount of energy and attention. Some people use sex to connect, while others require a sense of connection in order to engage in sexual activity.

Make it a point to schedule dating nights on a regular basis. And on your date nights, chat about something other than your kids. Your partnership requires some time away from the kids.

Make it a point to hug, kiss, and caress each other throughout the day. This keeps contact from becoming burdened as well as being delightful. Many couples have stopped touching each other in non-sexual ways. Touch becomes increasingly connected with sex as time goes on. You reach a point with each other where you're scared of being touched because you can sense the agenda behind the touch.

Put Your Partner Before Your Chores

If you're like most parents, you begin a desperate sprint to do all of the duties you ignored during the day as soon as your children go to bed. You sprint around the home for hours before collapsing tired. There isn't enough time to be intimate.

It's a fact of life that there will always be errands to be done. When you're a new parent, you'll never feel like you're getting ahead. Making time for your partner's connection and intimacy will feel better in the long term than completing another load of laundry. As soon as your children have gone to bed, make it a priority to spend some quality time with them. Who knows, maybe you'll receive a burst of energy after your intercourse and feel motivated to do the chores.

Create Privacy

You need to make some room for seclusion in order to keep oneself sane. Hire a nanny or send your children to their grandparents. Work with your partner to schedule some time apart every now and again. Also, as much as possible, encourage your children to sleep in their own beds. Many parents are concerned that their children may need them in the middle of the night, but the truth is that sex is a rather straightforward act to interrupt. It's not like you'll be utterly unavailable to your child if they suddenly need you.

Set Yourselves up for Success

When you have children, there are a number of practical considerations that make having sex more difficult. You might be concerned about your child seeing you naked or hearing the guttural noises you make when you're on the verge of climax. However, many of these difficulties are actually relatively doable. Cover your sounds with white noise or music. Adjust the screws on your bed frame so that it no longer squeaks. Secure the door with a lock.

One brief note: your issues will differ from those of your partner. You may not be as concerned about creating a lot of noise as your partner is. That's OK. Don't waste your time, energy, or goodwill arguing over whether or not something "should" bother you. If something is preventing either of you from being interested in intimacy, try together to find a solution.

Get Creative

Sex will not take place in the same way it did before you had children. You'll have to be a lot more resourceful and less choosy. Here are some suggestions:

·       Sex on a schedule

·       Have intercourse at various times throughout the day.

·       Take advantage of every time you have to yourself. Are the kids going to be gone for 15 minutes? Go to your room right away.

·       Experiment with different locations. Lock yourself in the den if your youngster passed asleep in your bedroom after a scary dream.

·       Be willing to engage in a range of sexual behaviours. Perhaps you just have the time or energy to make out or masturbate together.

·       Enlist assistance. Make arrangements for a kid swap with family, friends, or neighbours.

Do What You Can

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: your sex life will never be the same as it was before you had children. However, with communication, effort, and patience, you may be able to get by till your children are a little older!

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