How to Tell Someone You're Only Interested in Sex Without Sounding Like a Jerk?

ichhori team

Learn tactful, honest ways to tell someone you just want friendship—so you keep the bond without awkwardness or guilt.

Is one of the trickiest conversations you’ll ever have—especially when you care about their feelings.

Whether they’ve developed a crush or you’ve realised it’s never going romantic, you owe it to both of you to be clear, kind and confident.

Why “just friends” talks matter

Being honest early saves emotional drama later. Clarity prevents hope-inflation—when one person imagines a romance that isn’t coming.

Plus, it shows respect. If you value the friendship, you can’t ghost or ghost-light (half-ghost) them forever.

Signs you need the “only friends” chat

  • They flirt heavily, and you don’t reciprocate.
  • Messages get long, personal and one-sided.
  • They hint at dates; you’re not interested.
  • You catch yourself avoiding them to dodge mixed signals.

See one or more? It’s time to talk—sooner rather than later.

1. Plan what you’ll say—and how

Impulse confessions often backfire. Take a moment to:

  • Choose a private, calm setting (in person if possible).
  • Write bullet-points of your main message.
  • Rehearse a few lines: clear, gentle, non-judgemental.

This reduces nerves and avoids rambling.

2. Lead with appreciation

Start by saying what you value about them:

  • “I really enjoy our talks and how supportive you are.”
  • “You’re one of the most fun people I know.”

That softens the news and reminds them this isn’t rejection of who they are.

3. Use “I” statements, not “you”

Frame it around your feelings, not their failings:

  • “I’m not in a place to date anyone right now.”
  • “I value our friendship and don’t want to risk it.”

Avoid “You make me feel…” or “You always…” which sound blaming.

4. Be clear and concise

Don’t dance around it. Ambiguity breeds hope:

  • ✔️ “I really like you—as my friend.”
  • ❌ “I don’t see where this is going, I guess.”

Say it once, let it land, then pause.

5. Acknowledge their feelings

They might feel hurt, embarrassed or disappointed. You can say:

  • “I understand this may be hard to hear.”
  • “I’m sorry if this hurts.”

Validating their reaction shows empathy and keeps the door open.

6. Don’t over-promise

Avoid “maybe later” lines unless you truly mean it. Vague hope keeps them hanging on.

If you want strictly platonic, say so: “I value you as my friend and that’s it.”

7. Offer space if needed

They may need a little time apart to reset expectations. You can suggest:

  • “Let’s take a week off texting, then I’d love to hang again.”

Space isn’t abandonment—it’s emotional self-care.

8. Keep boundaries firm

After the talk, stick to friendship norms:

  • No flirty banter.
  • Avoid one-on-one late-night calls for a bit.
  • Resist physical intimacy that blurs lines.

Mid-article ichhori reads

Common worries—and how to handle them

  • “Will this end our friendship?” Give them time. Many friendships survive once expectations align.
  • “What if they’re mad?” Allow them space. Emotions are valid, but resentment usually fades.
  • “I feel guilty.” You’re doing the right thing—honesty is kinder than holding it in.

Stats & insights

  • 67% of friends have navigated unreciprocated feelings (YouGov, 2023)
  • Only 22% say such conversations ended the friendship (Statista)
  • 80% agree honesty improved trust long-term (Psychology Today)

20 external resources for more advice

More ichhori reads on relationships & friendship:

How to tell someone you’re only friends isn’t about sugarcoating—it’s about respect. Be honest, kind, and clear. Your friendship will thank you for it.

أحدث أقدم