5 Reasons You Keep Falling for People Who Don't Return Your Love


5 Reasons You Keep Falling for People Who Don't Return Your Love


You begin to believe that this time will be different. This must be love because your sentiments caught you off guard. This is how it's supposed to go, you read somewhere. Your emotions overtake you, but you're left heartbroken in the end.

You continue to fall in love with people who do not reciprocate your feelings. If you keep pursuing these relationships, you'll miss out on opportunities to connect with individuals who care about your well-being. The entanglement, in the end, does more harm than good. The beauty of this is that you're a romantic at heart and can make a difference in people's lives through your love. Our affection isn't always reciprocated. Here are five reasons why you continue to fall in love with someone who won't reciprocate your feelings.

1. You're not in love.

You enjoy the person's concept. You enjoy the concept of what they stand for in your life. You enjoy the way they make you feel when you're around them. You admire what they can accomplish for you. You imagine how they will fit into your future without taking the time to learn about the part they believe they will play in yours. Even when you're not compatible, you romanticize them.

Love is a choice. Love is a performance. Love accepts individuals as they are, but wishes to see them grow into their full potential. Love necessitates sacrifice. Love is long-suffering, patient, and kind. Love doesn't carry grudges, doesn't get angry easily, and doesn't envy. Love is a soothing emotion. Love develops gradually over time. We sometimes mix up love with lust. Lust is a strong sexual desire for someone that can cause the brain to short circuit. Our affection is frequently conditional. We're all simply trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

2. You keep re-creating harmful relationships because they make you feel good.

Your beliefs about love may be skewed if you had a strained connection with one or both of your parents. Your parents didn't have to be abusive or alcoholics to influence your feelings about love. Some parents did their best, but they couldn't possibly know everything. They were trying to figure out their own feelings and didn't have the tools to deal with yours, making you feel unimportant. People-pleasing or being exceedingly selfish were ways for you to compensate for this apparent lack of worth. Relationships that leave you feeling safe to make you feel safe since you are constantly rejected. Why? Because love is earned through hard labor. It's tedious to have someone love you just because. It's far too simple. Passion and anguish, on the other hand, are what you seek.

3. You despise yourself.

Because you don't love yourself, you frantically seek the affection of others. You connect to others as a distraction rather than focusing on the wounds in your life that need to be healed. When we finally meet the person of our dreams, we frequently damage the relationship. We participate in behaviors and mental patterns that prevent us from achieving the things we so deeply desire: love, belonging, and meaningful connections. Acting indifferent toward the person you love, seeking attention from other people while in a relationship with the person you love, or failing to show up for them in a meaningful way are all examples of sabotage.

4. You're afraid of being exposed, losing control, and losing intimacy.

You've created a tough exterior. You want to love but don't want to be harmed at the back of your mind. There's always the possibility that the people we care about will abandon us. Loss can occur as a result of death, separation, or divergent life paths. You're probably afraid of vulnerability, loss of control, and intimacy. You quickly form bonds with the people you like. You reveal too much information too soon, or you reveal too much information to the wrong people. You must grow and establish trust in love.

5. You prefer the sensation of falling in love to the sensation of being in a relationship.

Because you enjoy the thrill of the chase, you fall for people who don't love you. You want to be committed, but you also want to be free. These opposing ideas are the result of avoidance and feelings of being undeserving. You're trying to avoid the unpleasant feelings that come with being alone with yourself. You used to love in the same way that we used to medicate with booze, food, drugs, or pornography. Love can be fulfilling, but it isn't a quick remedy. It's a choice. It's unlikely that you'll feel like loving every day. How will you deal with it? You'll be able to embrace the idea of commitment and receiving love as you gain confidence in yourself.

How do you break the pattern of falling in love with someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings?

You focus on developing stable attachments by:

-learning how to self-soothe

-learning more about your attachment style

-loving yourself first rather than waiting for approval from others

-genuine giving

-strive for improvement rather than perfection-compare yourself to who you were yesterday rather than other people

-investigating one's hobbies and interests

-loving those who love you -writing in a journal

-forgiving yourself for everything you're ashamed of 

-exercising gratitude

Secure attachments are partnerships in which you are not always concerned that your partner may abandon you. They are partnerships in which emotional connection and closeness are not feared. It's a type of relationship in which you and your spouse keep some of your uniqueness. They're the kinds of interactions that make you feel calm and supported rather than agitated.

Because you're terrified of receiving love, you keep falling in love with individuals who don't love you back. You're afraid of being loved because a part of you thinks you're unworthy. Some part of you believes that life must be difficult. You're putting off the necessary self-work. To break free, work on uncovering your trauma and loving yourself first. You deserve good things. It’s a gift to be a person who loves.

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