Online dating still fails women. Explore the misogyny behind dating apps, from harassment to biased algorithms, and how to protect your peace.
Online dating was supposed to make love easier. Swipe right, match, message, meet — what could go wrong? A lot, it turns out — especially if you’re a woman. From unsolicited messages and digital catcalling to app algorithms that reward looks over respect, dating apps have quietly become a hotbed for modern misogyny.
And while the apps may promise connection, many women walk away feeling objectified, emotionally drained, or worse — unsafe.
This isn’t about hating dating apps. It’s about calling out what’s broken so we can build something better. Let’s dive into why online dating still fails women, and what you can do to protect your peace in the process.
1. The numbers don’t lie: Women face more harassment online
Dating apps weren’t built with women’s safety in mind. And that shows in the stats:
- 63% of women report experiencing harassment on dating apps (Pew Research, 2023)
- 1 in 4 have received threats of violence
- 28% have been sent explicit content without consent
From unsolicited messages to creepy follow-ups across platforms, this isn’t just “bad behavior.” It’s misogyny in code — reinforced by poor moderation, weak reporting tools, and platforms that prioritise engagement over safety.
2. The algorithm isn't neutral — it’s biased
You might think your dating app feed is random. It’s not. Most platforms use ranking systems that reward “attractive” profiles, high activity levels, and messaging patterns. Translation? The loudest, most aggressive (usually male) users get boosted.
This leads to:
- Women being judged by filtered photos more than bios or prompts
- Men encouraged to mass-swipe and cold-message
- Eurocentric beauty standards favoured in matches
So while women are often told to “just block and move on,” the system is rigged from the start.
3. When safety becomes the woman’s responsibility
To stay safe, women often have to go undercover on apps — using fake names, burner numbers, or vetting profiles like FBI agents. Many women say they:
- Only meet in public places — even after weeks of chatting
- Tell friends exact times, names, and locations of their dates
- Use Google Voice or WhatsApp instead of sharing real numbers
- Block profiles immediately after meetups — even if the date went “fine”
This isn’t paranoid. It’s necessary. And yet the burden falls entirely on the user — not the platforms making millions from swipes.
4. Dating apps don’t moderate enough — and women know it
According to the New York Times, only 19% of women trust dating apps to moderate harassment properly. Many report that:
- Blocking someone doesn’t stop them from finding you again
- Reported users often remain active
- There’s no follow-up or transparency after reporting abuse
Even Bumble — which brands itself as female-first — fails to catch up to 40% of misogynistic language or threats, despite AI filters (Reuters).
5. The emotional toll is real
Misogyny in dating apps isn’t just about safety — it’s about exhaustion. Many women report dating app fatigue, anxiety, and lowered self-esteem from constant objectification.
According to Glamour and Bustle:
- 42% of women have deleted dating apps due to safety or emotional burnout
- 1 in 3 say dating apps make them feel “like a product”
- More than half say they rarely enjoy their time on apps
This shouldn’t be normal. We shouldn’t have to accept a toxic experience just because it’s digital.
6. Real story: Leah’s experience on dating apps
Leah, 27, shared with Insider: “Within five minutes of matching, he was sending gross comments about my body. I blocked him, and the next day he found me on Instagram and messaged me there. That was my last day on Tinder.”
Stories like Leah’s are everywhere — and they’re not rare. They’re a product of a culture that treats women as swipeable content, not people.
7. Are apps doing anything to fix this?
Some apps have taken steps:
- Bumble introduced AI filters to catch harmful messages
- Hinge allows video chats before meeting in person
- Newer platforms like Lex and Feeld centre consent, queerness, and community moderation
But the problem isn’t just the messages — it’s the culture of these apps. Until dating apps prioritise safety and respect over user metrics, women will continue to bear the brunt of online misogyny.
8. Internal resources for dating with boundaries
9. How to protect yourself while still showing up
If you still want to use dating apps (and yes, love is still out there), here’s how to keep your power while navigating the mess:
- Use safety tools: Google Voice numbers, check-in systems, FaceTime first
- Don’t be afraid to unmatch fast — you don’t owe anyone “polite” responses
- Trust your gut — always. Even if it doesn’t “make sense”
- Be upfront about your boundaries. The right people will respect them
- Take breaks often. Apps aren’t supposed to run your life
Most importantly: remember that how someone treats you online is a preview — not a phase.
10. More Ichhori reads for dating smarter
Final thoughts: We deserve better
Dating apps aren’t evil. But they’re not neutral either. The way they’re built — and moderated — shapes how we experience connection, desire, and safety.
For women, it’s time to stop blaming ourselves for “bad matches” and start demanding better platforms. Ones that respect boundaries, protect users, and dismantle misogyny — not profit from it.
Until then, date with clarity. Swipe with intention. And never forget: your worth is not up for debate in a message thread.