Sexless marriage; how to cope with lack of intimacy in your relationship

Sexless marriage; how to cope with lack of intimacy in your relationship

When you first met your partner, you were really passionate about them. Both an emotional and bodily manifestation of this occurred. You two were smitten with one another and couldn't stop touching. When you were married, you thought everything was perfect. You could never have imagined yourself in a sexless union. 

But things are different now. You've been accustomed to managing a non-sexual marriage over time. The situation has fizzled out. Even if the relationship is still intact, you no longer share the intimate moments that keep your love alive. Don't accept a sexless relationship as the norm by being passive. You may learn to reconnect in addition to learning how to endure a sexless marriage without straying.

While there isn't a single definition for a sexless marriage, it is often understood to be one in which there is little to no sexual activity between spouses less than ten times a year. Note that different people have different definitions of what constitutes sexual activity. Ultimately, your joy and satisfaction in the relationship are more significant than the number of sexual experiences.

Many individuals in sexless relationships claim to feel alone because of the problem. However, it's thought that 15% of married couples haven't had sex in the previous six to twelve months.

Research has shown that between 10 and 20 percent of romantic partnerships in the U.S. are sexless, or around 40 million people.

Factors contributing to a sexless marriage

It is advised to look into possible causes if you and your spouse aren't having sex, such as physical problems, mismatched libidos, life transitions, communication problems, other relationship problems, hormonal changes, mental health problems, and pharmaceutical side effects. Here are some conceivable causes for a sexless marriage:

Health Concerns

Your desire (or capacity) to have sex may be affected if you or your spouse are suffering from health issues. Numerous illnesses, including diabetes, cancer, liver cirrhosis, and heart disease are known to lower libido. Even certain medical problems have physiologic effects that might make having sex unpleasant, uncomfortable, or impossible.

Incomparable Libido

One of the most prevalent reasons for sexlessness in a marriage is a difference in sexual desire. The cause of a drop in sex is typically not because a couple has varying degrees of desire, but rather how they handle these disparities. The person who craves it more feels unappreciated and rejected, which frequently causes them to stop initiating.

Transitions in Life

We all have obstacles in life that have an effect on our well-being. It is common for sexual desire to wane at these moments as we concentrate on overcoming the difficulty and regaining our equilibrium.

Transitions in life include:

Job loss

financial difficulties

Grief, the death of a loved one, or another traumatic loss

High levels of stress brought on by a job, a move, family problems, etc.




Issues with communication

It will affect your relationship and intimacy if you and your spouse are having trouble communicating. When you feel remote and alienated from your spouse, it is challenging to have sex with them. Sex requires emotional connection, especially for women.

Lack of communication is the most frequent cause of sexless marriages. Since so many individuals find it awkward to discuss sex, they tend to engage in unsatisfying and monotonous sexual behavior. They just don't because the thought of telling their partner they wish to have sex or attempt something new in the bedroom is too daunting.

Other relational problems

A decrease in sexual closeness can also be caused by other relationship issues, such as feeling alone in your relationship, adultery, addiction, deception, emotional affairs, or other betrayals. It is tough to be vulnerable in a relationship where there is a trust issue, making it challenging to have sex.

Changes in hormones

Sexual arousal and desire are influenced by estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Your libido may decrease if your hormones fall out of balance.

Hormone fluctuations can happen for a variety of causes, such as:








Psychological Disorders

Decreases in sexual desire and arousal have also been connected to mental health issues. Particular conditions can alter one's brain chemistry and reduce one's desire for and capacity for sexual engagement, particularly if one has a history of relationship post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or sexual trauma. Other mental health issues include:





Eating disorders

Personality disorders

Side Effects of Medication

Drugs can affect our hormones and interfere with our degree of sexual desire and arousal, even if they are occasionally required to address physical or mental health concerns. The biological or hormonal mediators of sex drive are frequently affected by medications that impact sex desire through similar methods.

Tips to rebuild your sexual intimacy

Your marriage may become more intimate, and you can resume having satisfying, frequent sex again. You should be able to rekindle your love life's fire and excitement by using the following tried-and-true advice.

Adopt a Caring Attitude. Accusations and blame won't make your partner more interested in having sex. A healthier, happier marriage and sex life may result from articulating your wants and wishes to your partner in a kind and thoughtful manner. Think about discussing the entire relationship. Try expressing "I believe this would be entertaining for us," rather than "I want to try this." Keep an open mind to your partner's opinions as well.

Practicing communication. There is much more to effective communication than just words. Each partner must learn to convey their message while keeping their spouse's sentiments in mind. Nonverbal clues are crucial. For couples that struggle with good communication, there are a variety of options.

Find out why there is no sex in your marriage. You must first recognize the sexual issues in your marriage before you can treat them. The true problems frequently exist at a far deeper level. It's possible that you've been disguising your genuine emotions for so long that even you are unaware of them. A couple's counselor can assist in identifying the causes of your sexless marriage if the absence of closeness between you and your partner is unclear.

Sex without intercourse. It might be beneficial to please each other in many ways for couples who believe that their marriage is sexless owing to a lack of sexual activity. The pressure is reduced and you and your spouse may satisfy each other's needs in novel and exciting ways when you remove intercourse from the equation. But it doesn't imply you should refrain from having relations.

Find Alternative Outlets for Your Passion and Energy. You could find happiness and comfort in other kinds of expression if your partner has less sexual arousal than you do. Taking up a new activity or interest can improve wellness and aid in the release of stored energy. It might be much simpler to broach the subject of intimacy with your spouse when you're more at ease.

Take care of the underlying issues. While there is no doubt that having sex may lead to marital troubles, it's also conceivable that the sexual challenges in your marriage are only a symptom of a deeper issue. Restoring a good sexual connection requires addressing any underlying concerns. Addressing any repressed anger or resentment you or your spouse may have for one another may be quite beneficial.

Taking Care of Sexual Needs Away from the Marriage. Some people consider having sex with strangers because they are so upset about the lack of sex in their relationships. Many individuals avoid talking about this choice with their spouses since it may be a significant source of anguish and pain, and they then experience terrible guilt and shame for leaving their relationships. Counseling, whether for an individual or a couple, may be instructive and transformative before looking for a companion outside of marriage. We go into more depth about this choice below.

You have evolved and changed from the individuals you were when we first met. This is not a problem. A sexless union can endure, but a happy, successful marriage embraces change and always finds new ways to improve the union. Your love life doesn't now need the same things that it did when it first started. You may restore and maintain the sexual connection in your marriage as long as you're prepared to be open and honest with your spouse.

Your marriage may be experiencing major problems if there isn't any sex, but things don't have to stay that way. Opening the channels of communication is nearly always the first step towards regaining your mojo after you have the resources to pinpoint the root reasons and overriding concerns. If the love is still there, then the act of making love may always happen again. So, take a seat and start conversing with your buddy. Clothing voluntary.

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