I Think My Partner Is Cheating on Me. Now What?

Are you worried your partner might be having an affair? Do you tend to check up on whom your partner has been befriending and/or communicating with on social media? You may or may not have reason to be concerned, but in a 2016 study, 57% of men and 54% of women interviewed admitted to having been unfaithful in at least one of their relationships.

While infidelity appears to be on the rise, modern technology has made it easier to monitor a partner’s whereabouts and actions. Even in faithful relationships, this type of surveillance—which, taken to its extreme, might be considered stalking—can take its toll and create an atmosphere of mistrust, leading to arguments and ongoing conflict.

Some warning signs that your relationship is in trouble include:

• A breakdown in communication. When we cease speaking with our partners, we lose our ability to emotionally connect with them, which might lead to seeking outside emotional support or having an affair.
• We don't spend enough time together. Connections between partners must be developed and cultivated in order to flourish and grow. Without spending meaningful time together as a pair, this relationship may begin to deteriorate and partners may begin to drift apart. This is especially true when children enter the picture, as couples may begin to see one another as parental figures rather than the sexually attractive companions they were initially drawn to.
• Behavior changes in your partner If your partner appears more distant than usual and/or their behavior have recently changed (for example, they're going out with friends more frequently, their sexual desire has dropped, etc.), this could be an indication that they're looking for intimacy elsewhere.
• Catching your lover lying or cheating. If you discover that your partner has been lying to you and/or has been unfaithful, there may be severe issues that must be addressed if you wish to attempt to repair the harm.

Whether there has been adultery or you fear your relationship is in jeopardy, explore the following questions:

• Rebuilding a relationship after an affair is a difficult undertaking, but it is quite feasible if both partners still love each other and are ready to put in the effort.
• Are both you and your partner dedicated to making your relationship work? If this is the case, obtaining individual therapy and/or couples counseling may be helpful in determining how to get back on track and focus on healing any wounds that may have happened. Be wary of subsequent betrayal if both parties are unwilling to perform the individual work required to heal the relationship.
• Are you willing to accept responsibility for your role in contributing to the problem? Even if only one spouse has strayed, both have most likely contributed to the relationship's demise in some way. This could be due to a breakdown in communication, resentment building, being unduly jealous, feeling taken for granted, or not spending enough quality time together. To get back on track, both partners may need to adjust how they communicate with each other.
• Are you able to forgive and move on from any transgressions that may have occurred? If you wish to restore your relationship after infidelity, you must be willing to let go of the past and not bring it up every time you disagree. Rebuilding trust after being deceived may take time and work, but forgiving your partner is also necessary if you want to move on together.
• Any connection can be difficult at times, especially when those we care about have injured us in some manner. We all want our relationships to be loving, caring, and trustworthy, and we may be disappointed if we believe they have betrayed us. Rebuilding a relationship after an affair is a difficult undertaking, but it is quite feasible if both partners still love each other and are ready to put in the effort.

Contact a therapist in your area for assistance with infidelity and other trust issues in your relationship.