Why You Keep Repeating Patterns (and How to Stop)
Do your situations change but your outcomes stay the same? New partner, same fight. New job, same burnout. That’s not bad luck—it’s a pattern. The good news: patterns are programmable. Once you see the loop, you can rewrite it.
The Loop in 4 Steps
- Trigger: A cue (being ignored, deadline pressure).
- Story: Meaning you attach (“I’m not valued,” “I’ll fail”).
- State: Body reaction (tight chest, heat, shutdown).
- Strategy: Habit response (people-please, overwork, withdraw).
Map Your Personal Pattern
- “When X happens, I tell myself Y, I feel Z, so I do ….”
- Track it for one week. You’ll see repeat choreography.
Break the Loop with S.O.S.
- S—Somatic pause: 3 physiological sighs, feet on floor, shoulders down.
- O—Objectify the story: “My brain is offering the thought: ‘I’m not valued.’ Noted.”
- S—Select a new step: One tiny action aligned with your values (ask clearly, set a boundary, take a 10-minute break).
Common Patterns & Rewrites
- Overgiving → Resentment: New step: “I can do A or B, not both.”
- Perfectionism → Procrastination: New step: 20-minute ugly first draft.
- Conflict avoidance → Blow-ups: New step: “Can we talk at 6? I want to clear this early.”
Healing Practices That Stick
- Daily grounding (breath, walk, body scan) to widen your pause.
- Parts dialogue: “A part of me is scared; another part wants to try.”
- Boundary scripts: “That doesn’t work for me—here’s what does.”
- Support: therapy, support groups, or an accountability buddy.
Final Thoughts
Patterns protect until they limit. Thank them for their service—and then choose better choreography. Small, repeatable rewrites become a new life.
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