Don’t Settle for Someone Who’s “Nice Enough”
We’ve all heard that settling for “nice enough” is better than being alone—but what if the opposite is true? Accepting someone who just checks the boxes may actually keep you from the connection you truly deserve.
Why “Nice Enough” Isn't Good Enough
Being in a relationship that doesn’t excite you isn’t harmless—it can feel more draining than being single. According to one source, people in unfulfilling relationships are just as unhappy and lonely as those who are single :contentReference[oaicite:1]{index=1}. And another reminds us: comfort can be stagnation in disguise—"settling is often the illusive disguise of stagnancy" :contentReference[oaicite:2]{index=2}.
Spot the Warning Signs of Settling
How do you know you’re settling rather than compromising? Relationship-education site Marriage.com highlights that settling is when you accept less than what you truly deserve, especially out of fear or inertia. It’s not the same as healthy compromise :contentReference[oaicite:3]{index=3}. Meanwhile, Verywell Mind notes that people who fear being alone often make poorer relationship choices and put up with less than ideal partners :contentReference[oaicite:4]{index=4}.
Set Clear, High Standards—But Be Realistic
Raising standards starts with clarity. Stephanie Rigg recommends defining your non-negotiables—the qualities that help you feel safe, valued, and supported—then make those your baseline :contentReference[oaicite:5]{index=5}. At the same time, dating coach Connell Barrett warns against unreasonable expectations—look for values and behaviours, not superficial traits—and focus on 3‑5 real deal‑breakers :contentReference[oaicite:6]{index=6}.
Keep Your Standards Flexible—The Balance Matters
Experts acknowledge that rigid ideals can be counterproductive too. A recent analysis from Vox explains that overly high standards, especially when influenced by dating apps and social media, might lead to dismissing good, compatible people too quickly :contentReference[oaicite:7]{index=7}. Standards should guide—not cage—your search for love.
From Internals to Externals: Build From Within
True standards are rooted in self-worth. Natasha Adamo reminds us that raising relational standards often begins with raising personal ones—and that when you treat yourself well, others follow suit :contentReference[oaicite:8]{index=8}.
Community Wisdom: Real People, Real Talk
Voices from communities like Reddit reflect this wisdom: > “No one is perfect … it means to be clear on your standards and non‑negotiables and flexible with the rest.” :contentReference[oaicite:9]{index=9} And another says: > “I took myself out … it made me feel more secure … I became much more picky about who I was spending my time with.” :contentReference[oaicite:10]{index=10}
Growth in Singleness
Psychology shows being single isn’t a setback. Many single people are actually more supportive of friends and family—and happier—than their coupled counterparts :contentReference[oaicite:11]{index=11}.
Practical Steps to Raise Your Love Standards
- Write your non‑negotiables. List what truly matters: emotional availability, shared values, communication, respect.
- Define “nice enough” vs “you.” Ask: Does this person inspire me, or just fill a space?
- Give dates a chance—but don’t overidealise. Psych research suggests you often need about three dates to see the real person :contentReference[oaicite:12]{index=12}.
- Test your standards. Notice if you quickly accept the bare minimum to avoid loneliness.
- Pursue solo fulfilment. Build your life, passions, confidence—like going solo to concerts or dinner—and watch your dating radar sharpen :contentReference[oaicite:13]{index=13}.
Conclusion: You Deserve the “Hell Yes,” Not Just the “Nice Enough”
Choosing someone “nice enough” may feel safe—but safe isn’t always satisfying. You’re not just complicit in the quiet decline, you’re settling. Instead, lift your gaze, list what matters, and wait for someone who ignites—not just exists beside—you.
Don’t accept “nice enough.” Aim for the partner who makes you feel a clear, resounding “Hell yes.”
Want more on building confidence while dating? Read our detailed guide Your Confidence, Your Power. And if you're working on identifying your relationship needs, check out Understanding Your Needs in Love.
Looking for advice on flirting with standards? Read Flirting with Purpose or Dealing with Rejection.