He Wasn’t Confused—He Just Didn’t Choose You
Mixed signals in dating aren’t about confusion—they often reflect a lack of clarity or intention from the other person. And that, dear reader, is a red flag, not a sign of emotional complexity.
1. Mixed Signals Are Signals—Not Mystery
Contrary to what it may feel like, mixed signals are rarely accidental. Psychology Today reminds us: inconsistent actions like “hot and cold” texting, flakey plans, or intermittent effort should be recognised as signals—and often as reasons to step back.
2. You Shouldn’t Have to Decode or Chase
Dating doesn’t have to feel like a puzzle. Leah Aguirre, LCSW, emphasises that if you constantly find yourself wondering what someone means, the effort may not be reciprocated. If someone is truly interested, they make time—and keep it.
3. Mixed Signals Often Mean “No”
In the words of a user on r/dating_advice:
“If it's mixed signals about dating… run. Take that as a no.”And another adds:
“Mixed signals are almost always no intention of actually pursuing a relationship… they are usually ‘I like the attention…’”
4. Psychology of Hot-and-Cold Behaviour
Matthew Hussey puts it simply: attention is not the same as intention. When someone pulls away after drawing you in, they’re not confused—they’re not committed. This pattern shows excitement without emotional investment.
5. Why It Hurts—It's Your Expectations at War
According to marriage.com, mixed signals often stem from internal confusion, poor communication, or emotional avoidance. The result? You’re left grasping for clarity, stuck in uncertainty, and emotionally drained.
6. Communicate, Don’t Chase
Instead of over-analyzing every text or cancellation, a healthy response is early, honest clarity. Ask—gently and directly—where things are headed. If clarity doesn't follow, consider whether this is worth your emotional energy.
7. Recognise Repetition, Withdraw Gracefully
GQ’s longstanding advice remains true: pay attention to patterns over words. If someone consistently makes excuses, cancels, or leaves interactions hanging, over time that consistency—or lack thereof—speaks volumes . Better to step back than ask for closure that may never come.
8. How to Respond When Mixed Signals Arrive
- Pause before pleading for clarity.
- Express calmly: “I appreciate our time together, but I’m seeking something more consistent.”
- Set guardrails: “I don’t mind uncertainty—but I can’t stay emotionally available to someone who isn’t clear.”
- Be prepared to walk away—if unwillingness persists, that says more about them than you.
9. Rebuilding Your Dating Standards
Mixed signals aren’t signs of complicated emotions—they’re cues to protect your heart. Let this help you refine what you want: mutual effort, emotional honesty, and shared values.
10. You Deserve Someone Who Chooses You
If someone wants you, they’ll show it clearly—through words, through presence, through follow-through. You deserve someone who chooses you unequivocally.
In Summary
Mixed signals in dating are not mysteries to solve—they’re red flags to respect. Value your time and feelings. Respond with calm clarity, and don’t apologise for expecting respect and consistency. You’re not asking too much—you’re demanding what you deserve.
Remember: if he wasn’t confused—he just didn’t choose you. And that’s okay. Someone who truly deserves you will.