Love Shouldn’t Feel Like Proving Yourself
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The Trap of the “Pick Me” Mentality
When you feel the need to earn someone’s love, you fall into the “Pick Me” trap—trying too hard to be seen, liked, and accepted.
As writer Shane Kohler says: “When you start to think you want someone to pick you, you have given away all of your power.” Trying to prove your worth doesn’t attract love—it drains your self-esteem and pushes healthy love away.
Choosing from the Core, Not Waiting to Be Chosen
Love isn’t a quest for permission—it’s a shared journey. As Katarzyna Portka wisely advises: “Stop dating to be chosen. Start choosing from your centre.”
Rooting yourself in your worth, instead of shrinking to fit someone else’s expectations, is what allows real connection to grow.
Self-Worth Isn’t Earned Through Love
Your value does not depend on who chooses you. Many people mistakenly measure their worth by how desirable they seem to someone else, leading them into relationships that drain rather than nurture.
Letting Go of the Need to Be Chosen
Becoming fixated on being chosen means surrendering your agency—and sometimes even your identity. This often leads to codependency, where love becomes tied to approval-seeking and self-sacrifice.
You begin to ignore your needs, your boundaries, and your truth—only to discover there’s always another test to pass and another sacrifice to make.
Why It Doesn’t Work—and What Grows When You Stop
- Proving yourself depletes you. Constant reassurance is exhausting. Love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells.
- Unchosen doesn’t mean unworthy. Not being chosen often reveals what’s actually better for you and opens the door to healthier love.
- Your self-worth comes from within. You don’t need anyone to validate your value—you already possess it.
Walk Yourself Into Being Chosen—With Awareness
Here’s how to shift from proving to thriving:
- Reflect on your motives. Are you expanding or shrinking? Growing or seeking approval?
- Set your own standard. Remind yourself: “I deserve love that feels natural, not negotiated.”
- Communicate your needs clearly. Honest communication isn’t controlling—it’s healthy and necessary.
- Choose yourself first. Build love from your own centre. If someone isn’t ready, that’s their limitation—not yours.
Daily Practice to Stop Proving and Start Being
Use this simple daily ritual to strengthen your sense of worth:
- Pause and breathe. Center yourself and repeat: “I am enough as I am.”
- Reaffirm your worth. Say aloud: “I choose love that honors me.”
- Let love come—don’t chase it. Genuine love grows from mutual respect, not pursuit.
Wrap-Up: Love Isn’t a Competition
When you stop trying to prove yourself, you stop shrinking. You reclaim your dignity, your power, and your joy.
Love—not to be chosen, but because choosing freely is the most beautiful form of connection.