Stop Saying Sorry for Having Emotions
You don’t need to apologise for feeling. Your emotions are valid, not a flaw to be excused.
1. Why We Say Sorry for Feeling
It’s common to apologise for emotions—especially discomfort, anger, or sadness—because social norms often treat them as inconvenient or “too much.” But apologising for how we feel can reflect internalised shame rather than respect for our inner lives.
2. Emotions Are Data, Not Defects
Emotions inform us—they’re signals about our needs and boundaries. Acknowledging them, rather than excusing them, leads to clarity and emotional resilience.
3. The Impact of Removing “Sorry” from Emotions
Psychologists have found that those who refuse to apologise for being emotional often experience higher self‑esteem, greater integrity, and a stronger sense of personal control.
4. Use “I‑Feel” Statements to Own Your Emotional Truth
Expressing emotions with “I feel…” offers assertiveness without blame. This technique comes from Thomas Gordon’s work and helps avoid defensive reactions. For instance:
- Instead of “I’m sorry I’m upset,” opt for “I feel hurt because…”
- Swap “You make me anxious” for “I feel anxious when…”
5. Express Without Apology: How to Do It
- Acknowledge the emotion: “I feel disappointed that…”
- Connect with needs: “I need clarity on…”
- Make a request, not demand: “Could we talk about this?”
- Ground in self-compassion: “I’m allowed to feel this.”
This structure draws on Nonviolent Communication principles: observation, feeling, need, request.
6. Avoid the Apology-Emotion Trap
Saying “sorry” for every feeling reinforces the idea there’s something wrong with them. Instead, choose phrases that honour your experience: “I feel overwhelmed,” “I'm hurt,” or simply—“I’m feeling sad.”
7. The Cost of Suppressed Emotions
Suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress, unexpected outbursts, poor mental health, and physical strain. Recognising and expressing emotions calmly is key to well-being.
8. Self‑Compassion: Your Emotional Superpower
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, connecting to our shared human experience, and being mindfully aware of emotions—without judgement or excessive correction.
9. Practical Tips for Emotion‑Without‑Apology
- Label your emotion: “I feel anxious,” “I feel sad.”
- Express early: Don’t let small worries grow into shame.
- Use written notes or journaling: A safe space to practise feeling—and phrasing it without apology.
- Seek trusted listeners: Share with those who value authenticity, not those who demand placation.
10. Reframing: You’re Not a Burden
Your emotions aren’t burdens. They’re human. The belief that they’re a nuisance comes from cultural scripts (especially in individualistic societies) that prioritise composure over emotional honesty.
11. Emotional Expression Frees You
Expressing emotions clears emotional charge, supports better decisions, and reduces anxiety and depression. Naming emotions (affect labeling) also lessens their intensity and helps regulate them.
12. Hold Space for All Emotions—Without Apology
Emotions like grief, anger, fear—they matter. Validating them offers respect to your inner world, not an apology. Say:
- “I’m emotional because this matters to me.”
- “I feel a bit overwhelmed right now.”
- “This is hard, and I’m allowed to feel upset.”
In Summary
Stop prefacing your emotions with "sorry." Your feelings are valid indicators, not flaws. Express them clearly—“I feel…,” connect them to your needs, and speak with self‑compassion. Avoid blame, use “I” statements, and notice the emotional freedom that follows.
You don’t need to say sorry for having emotions—just feel them, name them, and let yourself be.