If you always initiate, plan, and pep-talk, you’re managing the relationship—not enjoying it. Try an experiment: stop being the engine and see what momentum remains.
Signs You’re Over-Contributing
- Double-texting becomes your norm.
- Plans only happen if you push.
- You feel anxious without constant reassurance.
The Reciprocity Reset (One Week)
- Pause outreach for 3–4 days; mirror their pace.
- Protect plans: fill your week so you’re not waiting.
- Observe effort, not excuses.
- Decide: continue if effort balances; exit if it doesn’t.
Texts That Keep It Clean
- “I enjoy this—let’s plan ahead this week?”
- “I match energy. If you’re in, I’m in.”
- “I’m looking for consistent effort; otherwise I’ll step back.”
Your 7-Day Reciprocity Log
Pause initiating for a week. Each night, jot:
- Who reached out? (them/you)
- Quality: made plans, asked questions, showed care?
- Feeling after: calmer / anxious / neutral
When Anxiety Hits While You Pause
- Body first: inhale 4, exhale 6–8 for 1 minute; unclench jaw.
- Replace the urge: text a friend or do a 2-minute tidy.
- Reality line: “If I have to carry it, it isn’t mutual.”
If They Reach Out
- Match, don’t overtake: meet their effort, don’t triple it.
- Invite structure: “Love to see you—Fri or Sun works. You pick and book?”
If They Don’t
Silence is an answer. Create space for people who are excited to meet you where you live: in effort and respect.
Why This Isn’t a Game
- You’re not punishing; you’re measuring.
- Healthy bonds don’t rely on one person doing all the emotional labour.
Final Thoughts
Let people show you their natural pace. If they value you, they’ll move. If not, you’ve freed time for those who will.
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