“You’re too much.” Maybe you’ve heard it about your feelings, your ideas, your voice, your ambition. That phrase often says more about the container than the contents: your intensity exceeded someone else’s capacity. The work isn’t to shrink—it’s to own, regulate, and place your bigness where it belongs.
First: Translate the Feedback
- “Too emotional” → I express quickly and vividly. I can learn timing without muting truth.
- “Too intense” → I care deeply. I can channel focus so it fuels, not fries.
- “Too needy” → I value responsiveness. I can ask clearly and choose people who value that too.
Three Levers: Own, Regulate, Place
- Own it: Name your traits without apology. “I’m a high-intensity, high-care person.”
- Regulate it: Build skills so your power lands well (breath, pacing, boundaries).
- Place it: Match with contexts and people that can hold it (teams, partners, friends).
Regulation Basics (So Your Power Doesn’t Spill)
- Body first: 3 physiological sighs, shoulders down, feet grounded before hard talks.
- Pacing rule: “Feel fully; deliver slowly.” Draft → delay → send.
- Time windows: Ask for connection with clarity: “Busy day—can we check in at 8?”
Channel Your “Too Much”
- Big feelings → art/movement: voice notes, poems, lifting, long walks.
- Big ideas → containers: one-pager, pilot, 2-week experiment instead of a life overhaul.
- Big care → boundaries: commit where you have consent, capacity, and reciprocity.
In Relationships: Match > Muffle
- Green flags: curiosity about your inner world; consistent check-ins; enjoys depth.
- Yellow flags: calls you dramatic for naming needs; jokes about your sensitivity.
- Red flags: weaponises “too much” to control you or avoid accountability.
Scripts That Keep Your Shine
- “I feel deeply and communicate directly. If pace ever feels fast, say so—I can slow down.”
- “Connection matters to me. A quick morning/bedtime text helps me stay regulated.”
- “I’m passionate; I’ll propose small trials so we can evaluate together.”
Self-Respect Practices
- Keep a proof list of times your intensity created good (projects finished, people helped).
- Schedule play and rest so passion doesn’t become pressure.
- Build multiple containers (friends, hobbies, community) so one person isn’t asked to hold it all.
Final Thoughts
“Too much” is often the right amount in the right place. Turn the volume into instrumentation—tuned, timed, and beautifully loud where it counts.
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