Love isn’t supposed to feel like unpaid overtime. When you pour and still feel hollow, it’s a signal: the system is imbalanced. Effort without reciprocity becomes exhaustion. Let’s rebalance.
Spot Over-Functioning (Clues)
- You plan everything and chase confirmations.
- You explain your needs three times and get crumbs.
- You fix feelings before they’re named; you always “understand.”
Why We Do It
- Safety scripts: “If I give more, they won’t leave.”
- Identity: the capable one, the therapist friend, the planner.
- Hope: peaks of attention keep you hanging on.
Rebalance Framework: Clarify → Request → Measure → Decide
- Clarify: What do I actually need? (frequency, honesty, shared planning)
- Request: “I love our time. Can we alternate planning each week?”
- Measure: Watch patterns for 2–4 weeks—less talk, more trend lines.
- Decide: If patterns don’t change, scale back or exit with care.
Scripts That Protect Your Capacity
- “I can help with A this week, not B. What’s priority?”
- “I value consistency. If plans change, please tell me same day.”
- “I’m pausing on reminders. If you want to make this happen, suggest a time.”
Self-Refill Practices
- Schedule play/rest before the relationship asks for more.
- Keep multiple support containers (friend, hobby, therapist, group).
- Hold your non-negotiables: safety, respect, financial honesty, fidelity.
Final Thoughts
Being loving doesn’t mean being limitless. Choose relationships where effort cycles—you pour, they pour—so you both feel full.
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