You Deserve People Who Text First Too
If your chats look like a staircase of your own blue bubbles, this isn’t about being “clingy.” It’s about reciprocity. Healthy relationships include initiation from both sides—texts, plans, check-ins. Wanting that isn’t high-maintenance; it’s basic respect.
Why It Hurts More Than It Looks
- Invisible labor: planning, remembering, and nudging takes energy.
- Attachment triggers: silence can read as disinterest or rejection.
- Identity erosion: you start shrinking needs to keep the connection.
Quick Reality Checks
- Busy is real; pattern is louder. One slow week ≠ months of one-sidedness.
- Platform mismatch (DMs vs. texts) can hide effort—clarify the channel.
- Initiation style differs, but care finds a way to show up.
Set the Standard (Kindly + Clearly)
- “I love our chats. It helps me feel connected when we both reach out.”
- “I’m usually the one to text first—can you start the next check-in?”
- “If you’re swamped, a ‘thinking of you’ emoji goes a long way.”
Change the System, Not Just the Sentence
- Reduce chasing: match their pace for 2–3 weeks and observe.
- Diversify care: invest in people who already show initiative.
- Make it easy: propose two times; ask them to pick (or to propose next plan).
Green Flags vs. Red Flags
- Green: owns the feedback, initiates soon after, sets a rhythm.
- Yellow: apologises but forgets repeatedly—needs structure.
- Red: shames your need, calls you dramatic, continues to coast.
When to Step Back
If reminders become a second job, scale access—fewer updates, lower response time, or a gentle pause. Love without reciprocity becomes caretaking. You deserve mutual effort.
Final Thoughts
People who care start conversations too. Ask clearly, measure patterns, and choose connections that choose you back.
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