You’re Allowed to Ask for More
Asking for more isn’t demanding or dramatic—it’s self-respect. Needs don’t vanish when you ignore them; they leak as resentment. Here’s how to ask clearly across relationships—and what to do if the answer is no.
The Rights You Already Have
- To state needs without apologising
- To set boundaries and hold them
- To leave dynamics that won’t repair
How to Make a Doable Request (4 Parts)
- Intent: “I want us to work well together.”
- Observation: describe behaviour, not character.
- Impact: how it lands on you.
- Ask: one specific change, time-bound if needed.
Scripts (Copy-Paste & Edit)
Dating
- “I enjoy you. Consistent check-ins help me feel connected. Could we do a quick good-morning text on busy days?”
- “I’m pacing this—quality over speed. If that doesn’t work for you, I understand.”
Friendship
- “I’m often the planner. Could we alternate who sets the next hangout?”
- “I’m low on energy—voice notes work better for me this week.”
Family
- “I won’t discuss my dating life at dinners. If it comes up, I’ll change the topic.”
Work
- “Given priority A, can we move B to next sprint or assign support?”
- “I’d like feedback on X; what would success look like by Friday?”
Boundaries vs. Ultimatums
- Boundary: your behaviour (“If there’s shouting, I’ll pause the call and reschedule.”)
- Ultimatum: their behaviour (“You must stop shouting forever.”)
If They Say No (or Nothing)
- Clarify: “What would make this doable?”
- Scale back: try a smaller version or a trial period.
- Decide: hold the boundary, reduce contact, or exit with care.
Final Thoughts
Asking for more doesn’t make you “too much.” It makes you clear. The right people will be grateful for the map.
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