You’re Not Bossy—You’re a Natural Leader

Assertiveness in girls is often mislabeled as “bossy”—but that stigma doesn’t define behaviour, bias does. You’re not bossy—you’re a natural leader. Let’s shift the narrative and celebrate girls who lead with clarity and courage.

“Bossy” Is a Gendered Critique, Not a Description

Research shows that girls displaying leadership traits—assertiveness, initiative, direction—are far more frequently labeled “bossy,” while boys are seen as confident or decisive for the same actions. It’s not about the behavior—it’s about expectations.

The Impact on Confidence and Ambition

These labels have real consequences. Girls are socialised to mute assertiveness, and many feel that ambition leads to negative judgement. Studies indicate a steeper decline in self-esteem among girls during adolescence—partly due to these gendered expectations.

“Bossy” Is Not Leadership—Leadership Is Assertiveness

Campaigns like #BanBossy—led by LeanIn.org and the Girl Scouts—highlight how the same behaviour garners different labels based on gender. Their message: when girls speak up, it’s strength masked as fault.

The Double Standard Rooted in Role Incongruity

Role Congruity Theory explains that assertive women clash with gender norms—creating backlash regardless of competence. Studies show women displaying stereotypically male leadership behaviours are judged more negatively than men.

Reclaiming the Narrative on Leadership

Rather than banning “bossy,” many advocate reframing it as natural leadership energy. Labels evolve—just as “nerd” turned into a badge of pride, “bossy” can too.

How to Support Girls as Natural Leaders

Use accurate labels: Replace “bossy” with “assertive,” “decisive,” “visionary.” Language shapes perception.
Provide chances to lead: Encourage girls to initiate projects, mentor peers, and speak up.
Show diverse leadership styles: Highlight leaders who combine compassion and power.
Validate their courage: Being labeled can sting—but reinforce that visibility is leadership in motion.

Leadership in Real Life: Facing the Backlash

From Margaret Thatcher to modern CEOs, many women labeled “bossy” used that criticism to fuel impact. Their leadership forged paths and changed how the world sees it.