What do women like in men actually? #WhatWomenWants #MyLifeMyWay

 Last Updated :24th March, 2021

A modern woman is someone with an independent mind. She has her desires that she wants to fulfill. Besides, she is someone who has expectations from people. In the past, desires and expectations was restricted to men, as they were seen as the decision makers and thinkers of the house. But with increased awareness about gender rights and choices, women have begun to state the qualities they expect in men. Here are some. 

What do women like in men?

Their qualities 

Qualities in men are a significant focus when women are questioned about their expectations. The University of Gottingen in Germany conducted a survey with 64,000 respondents to know about the suitable characteristics in men as per expectations from women. It is as follows:

Kindness: Women want men who are going to treat them dearly and with care, not someone who will cause domestic violence. Kindness is seen as a quality of a gentle man. 
Being Supportive: Women want men who will support her not only financially, but intellectually, socially and emotionally.  
Intelligence: An intelligent mind facilitates intelligent conversations. In order to encourage thought provoking conversations and actions intelligence is essential. 
Educational Qualifications: Ambitious women are usually seen as a threat for men. If a man is equally educated or more educated than a woman, he will encourage her rather that see her as an opponent to prevent her growth. 
Confidence: Confidence is seen as an essential quality as it tells you the advantages of a brave man who if confident in small matters like protecting and approaching women, will do the same during larger matter like standing up and supporting women during troubled times.

A safe life is a healthy life 
Qualities have been a central aspect of desirable characteristics women want in men. But modern challenges and circumstances has led to certain modifications to move outside the emotional aspects and see other psycho-social needs. One being safety. Our world and country has seen increasing crimes against women, and this is usually done by men. Gang rapes, marital rape, acid attacks, assault, domestic violence and dowry deaths. The threat of such crimes has led to women wanting to feel safe around men. Their partners, relatives or friends need to make them feel safe enough to move and live freely at home, work or public spaces at all times without feeling threatened. The short film, “Devi” by Priyanka Banerjee highlights these issues.

Partnership in relationship 
A modern woman is a working woman. She is ambitious. She is educated. She wants to be independent. Unfortunately, a man does not create a space for her to perform. He feels uncomfortable by her presence. “We want a world that permits us to move out and achieve our dreams. We do not want to be deprived a job because of our gender or forced to marry at a young age. We have studied to work and earn,” are some statements made by young women. Besides, a woman wants a man to help her out at home. Young women in recent times are reluctant to marry. “We are scared of marriage. We fear being confined to the kitchen permanently,” are other statements made by women. A woman wants a partner who will help her with the household duties, alongside being given the opportunity to work without restriction or discrimination. 

Acceptance at workplaces
As women are seen as caregiver rather than breadwinner in society, workplaces do not provide an acceptable space for women to work and grow. Additionally, if a woman is ambitious she is seen as a threat rather than an asset in the company by her male counterparts as men perceive this as a hindrance. Women in society want to work and grow in society without being stopped.

Standing by her when she is right even if it is against his family viewpoints
Women after marriage leave their homes to begin life at their marital home. But every time it is not happily ever after post marriage. Her Husband’s parents and relatives fail to recognize her presence and create an acceptable space for her. A woman needs a husband who will stand by her, understand her feelings when she is not at fault and unnecessarily used as a target and placed against her husband and his family. We have seen in the recent Meghan Markel and Harry Debate, how people appreciated Harry as a husband for his choice to understand Meghan’s plight and leave the comforts of Buckingham Palace.

Supporting her viewpoint
After marriage there are numerous fights that occur which is part of life, but when men refuse to own up and be honest and accept their mistakes, they falsely accuse women rather than acknowledge her role and sacrifices. These are often seen as reasons for divorce. Men understand complex creations of finance and science but fail to understand the emotional confusion experienced by women. A woman prefers a man who will sit with her and communicate his feelings to her while allowing her to express herself without any issues. In the short film, “Ghar ki Murgi” by Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari, Sakshi Tanwar plays the role of a housewife and tries to convince her husband and family about the importance of her work.

Not engage in feminist versus anti-feminist debate when women speak up.
Women voice their opinions more when there are crimes against women in society. But instead of viewing this as a progressive approach to make society suitable for women, men see it as a threat and engage in “not all men” as a defense mechanism. This was seen during the Me too campaign, as a couple of women became vocal about the abuse they were countered with not all men instead of supporting their cause. However, there were a few instances where spouses and friends of women supported them as seen in the case of Priya Ramani, where she was supported throughout by her husband Samar Halankar for the allegations made against MJ Akbar.
Sometimes issues that do not happen due to gender, later are discussed in terms of men versus women because society wants to put the two against each other rather than facilitate a dialogue. We saw this in the recent Zomato case when a social media influencer wrongly blamed the delivery staff, how every anti-feminist person began attacking all feminist as bad people, when the debate should have been based on privilege and economic aspects instead of gender. 

Respect he shows for her friends and relatives
Women go an extra mile and are known for their hospitable nature. They respect the friends and relatives of their male partners as they have been trained since childhood days to be hospitable to guests. They also expect a similar behaviour from their husbands when it comes to their friends and relatives. Often, the patriarchal system in society has led to a husband taking his wife and her relatives for granted and ignoring her concerns, instead prioritizing the concerns of himself and his family members. But modern women due to change and by being allowed to be vocal about their needs expect respect rather than disregard. 

Understanding her sexual desires 
It is often said that men are the ones who want sex, but women want it to. And often they do not want it for the purpose of child bearing but for pleasure. In conservative societies sex is seen as a child bearing process instead of pleasure and the latter aspect reduces after a child is conceived. However, this need for intimacy should not be understood as means to see women in bad light as mere sexually motivated beings to be taken advantage of through molestation or rape, rather her greater fulfillment of sexual wellness in a respectable way. 


These mentioned ways highlight the characteristics a modern day woman desires to see in a man. These stem from modern thought, current social concerns and empowerment experienced by women in the recent past. These are some aspects that men need to consider while approaching and interacting with women. 


  1. https://nypost.com/2019/07/24/this-is-the-no-1-thing-64000-women-want-from-a-lover-survey/

  2. https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/web-series/devi-short-film-review-kajol-shruti-haasan-neha-dhupia-6296836/

  3. https://www.cbsnews.com/live-updates/oprah-winfrey-interviews-meghan-markle-prince-harry/

  4. https://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/art-and-culture/wonder-women-6313272/

  5. https://www.shethepeople.tv/men/samar-halarnkar-priya-ramani-husband/

  6. https://www.thenewsminute.com/article/stop-blaming-women-feminism-zomato-row-check-your-privilege-instead-145396

image source: Google photos

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