How to Save your Marriage , Avoid Divorce? Know the aftermath of Divorce .

In the present era, with open-minded thoughts making way, people are getting more aware about choosing their partners carefully. Individuals now focus on long-term goals so as to get the chance to know and understand their partners better before tying the knot. Despite these facts, it is recorded that five divorces take place per 1,000 residents.












Some people question this statistic,“Why is that? Isn’t it just a live-in relationship that keeps going on for the whole life?”


The answer to the former question is simple. No two minds think completely alike. The ideas and opinions of two individuals tend to differ. The dreamy Honeymoon phase of wedlock comes to saturation point, and dealing with real-life situations becomes a routine priority. 


A relationship is built by understanding and provides a comfort zone for open communication, which for a fact, has been most often neglected in couples who have divorced. A different set of opinions and priorities may cause differences if not given due respect by both individuals, eventually leading to a disturbed bond.


Some of the crucial indications that marriage has turned sour may include:


  1. Fights/arguments                      
  2. Less intimate relationship
  3. Distance (Long distance marriage, business worker)
  4. Lack of trust
  5. Having different life interests
  6. Financial issues
  7. Crime
  8. Communication issues/ misunderstanding 
  9. Lack of family support
  10. Domestic Violence


The term “Lost The Spark” is occasionally used about couples when a certain different set of beliefs surface and cold warfare is set between two individuals. If these differences are not resolved on time, it could lead to divorce. Some of the immediate divorce cases have been observed as a result of adultery, a strong feeling of dejection, abuse of substances, and/or domestic violence. 


As per a statistic, the average divorce rate in the world is estimated to be 4.08 divorces per 1,000 married persons. Further, almost 45% of first marriages in the US end in divorce. 


A happy marriage should comprise 3Cs as the Key. 


C - Commitment

C - Compromising

C - Communication

These aspects are the fuel in marriage.



Commitment 

When an individual says ‘you have changed’, it is not just about the person. The feeling is far deeper in the true sense. It is about the behavior by which the spouse got attached in the initial phase. 


At the start of the relationship, a feeling of trust in the partner captures every thought, breath, activity. When this feeling of trust for the special person turns mutual, it leads to commitment. In other words, it is the joy of being just for each other. 


When you commit to a person, you give them an equal space, and an amount of effort is put into each other. It is a promise to try for each other’s happiness, and stay together no matter what. The feeling of being committed is a constant dance - A Dance of surprises, back hugs, support, and respect. These could be expressed through minor gestures, routine habits, and a good deal of attention span. These aspects make up the recipe for a happy marriage. 


To plan minor surprises, you may:


  • Plan surprise dinner date
  • Cook by yourself
  • Gift their favorite flowers
  • Creating the same replica of romantic dates before marriage
  • Sing a song or play an instrument
  • Give them a ‘Me’ day

Without commitment, a relationship is baseless. These things make up for the most crucial elements of living together in the future as a couple. 


Compromising

As big and pessimistic as this word may sound, it builds up a crucial aspect of a relationship, especially marriage. Compromising is not an act of weakness. It is an act of kindness that brings two individuals closer. 


Every human being has different needs and wants, for a marriage to work smoothly this knowledge holds a special place. It is important to be aware of the needs your partner has and stand with them from time to time.


For an instance,


There was a couple married for 40 years. In 40 years of marriage, the wife did all the household duties without significant complaints, while the husband never cared to understand her perspectives. All the choices and decisions were taken by the husband without any askance to the wife. This led to large differences after 40 years of commitment. 


This story shows that there was a commitment in the relationship, but without Mutual compromise it was incomplete. Compromise is a mutual decision. 


Some ways of positive compromise include:


  • Understanding the needs of both the person in the relationship and taking the best decision
  • Giving priority to needs, instead of wants or luxury
  • Considering it as a two-way street
  • Letting the other choose the restaurant or movie

Communication

The ego can destroy any kind of bond. Communication is the easiest yet the hardest part at the same time. The long calls at the first phase of marriage don’t necessarily last forever. When differences arise and fights turn to egoistic ignorance, it destroys the essence of the relationship. Having a long meaningful conversation is the best way to solve fights, that can avoid divorce itself. 


Meaningful conversation means openly listening and speaking without keeping past grudges in mind, and also not bringing past topics into the present. As it is said, relationships can’t work on assumptions - your partner does not know everything by himself/herself. 

Someone said ‘In a relationship as communication starts to fade, everything else follows.’ Instead of binge-watching movies or scrolling on Instagram, you can always spare some moments for a healthy ‘WE’ time.


Some ways to have ‘WE’ time include:


  • Doing house chores together
  • Going to dinner outside the house
  • Picking each other from work
  • Going for small treats like Ice Cream
  • Cuddling before sleeping
  • Avoiding screen time when with each other

If necessary, seeking professional help is always an open option for couples. 

Other than the 3Cs, there are some things that should be taken care of to avoid divorce.


1.Points to keep in mind while fighting/argument phase

  • Remember, the fight is a phase
  • Listening is the issue halfway resolved
  • Craft the arguments instead of spitting the words abruptly.
  • Having discussions instead of playing the blame game
  • Taking a break
  • Giving the discussion the correct time
  • Giving appropriate value to the fights
  • Not avoiding the important things because of frustration
2.Keeping the sexual/romantic spark alive 

Having a sexually/romantic active life is important as any other factor in a marriage. As responsibilities increase, sexual intimacy may decrease in many marriages. In this situation, dissatisfaction may lead to adultery. To avoid this, sexual acts such as role-playing, romantic baths, and romantic tours often prove effective.


3.Give each other space 

Being a couple does not mean that both people stay and perform every activity and decide things together all the time. Individual space is as much as important as a relationship. If a person is happy individually then only he/she can contribute to the marriage.


4.Forgive Quickly

Getting stuck on a topic can unnecessarily mess up the tempo of a relationship. It is best to have a conversation as soon as possible, share what is going on in your mind, and move on.


5.Find help

Many times because of various reasons a couple can not find the solution on their own. At such times professional help becomes necessary. It leads to better understanding and clears the misunderstanding.



Impact of Divorce on an Individual and people related


1.Social Effects On The Individual 
    • On a personal level, the couple has a third party living with them. Regardless of how well they get along. If another person is present, they will be noticed, and there will be an incentive for someone else to contribute to their daily lives. Chores are normally shared, and frequent interaction is expected. All of life's ordinary moments are no longer exchanged. 
    • Isolation as a result of the loss of this relationship can be a very lonely feeling for those who are going through it, and it can lead to depression, addictive behavior, or poor decisions.
    • A couple is a societal entity that is recognized as a whole rather than as two individuals. Being regarded as a pair implies that anything they do together counts for both of them, even though only one of them does it. When one of the pairs is negatively impacted, the other is also negatively impacted. Their reputations are intertwined. Depending on the circumstances, this may be beneficial or detrimental.
    • Furthermore, they are both considered to live at a specific address in a specific neighborhood. Whatever social status is associated with a given neighborhood, whether high or low, applies to them as a couple. When the relationship ends, the two people are no longer known as "the couple from..."; instead, their paths diverge and they live at a separate address. 

2.Effects on the Children
  • Since the parent-child relationship is predominant and lifelong, spanning the child's whole life, the psychological impact on children can be even greater. The children's lives have been irreversibly altered even after the divorcing parents have moved on to new lives.

  • The psychological effect on children can be much greater because the parent-child relationship is so prevalent and permanent, spanning the child's entire life. And after the divorcing parents have gone on to new lives, the children's lives have been irreversibly changed.

  • Children often lose full time access to their father or less commonly, to their mother.

  • If their mother wishes to remarry or return to her maiden name, the children will have to deal with the "name problem." Either the child is forced to change their name or is given a name that differs from that of their mother.

            


3.Effects on Friends and Family
  • Friends of the couple sometimes feel compelled to choose either one or the other because it is uncomfortable for them to see or interact with members of the couple. If the relationships with partners are retained, scheduling will shift and they will need to set aside time for each member of the previous couple.
  • When life events occur, caution must be taken with invites, and often decisions must be made. If all parties are invited to an event, such as a wedding, it is important to think about how to make the situation as comfortable as possible.

Legal Hassles that a couple might face while the process of Divorce


Family law encompasses a wide range of legal issues, including divorce and adoption, as well as estate planning, corporate law, and real estate law in some cases. Family law is an umbrella specialty field that deals with whatever legal disputes families or family members are interested in, due to the many different fields it can include.


1] Child Custody

One of the most complicated problems to deal with when a couple divorces is what happens to small children. Child custody is a legal arrangement in which all parents must abide by the terms. Judicial custody and physical custody are two subfields of child custody. Legal custody refers to each parent's right to make significant life decisions for their minor children, such as which school to send them to, which religion to follow, and which doctors to see. 


2] Child Support

Although not as significant as child custody, child support is often discussed in divorce proceedings. Before a divorce is finalized, the majority of child support disputes will be resolved. However, as circumstances change, these problems can be revisited. If the non-custodial parent's financial condition changes, for example, child support will change.


3] Division of Assets and Property

When a couple divorces, the person who made more money or gained more property during the marriage would almost always have to share those assets with their ex-spouse. Furthermore, even if only one partner owns or leases the house, both partners have an equal right to the home they share.


4] Prenuptial Agreements

A prenuptial agreement is an essential document that any couple should draft. When the terms of the breakup have already been agreed, a separation or divorce is simpler to carry out. Finally, a couple should make every effort to reach an agreement that is equitable and fair to all parties. Words that are structured in this manner are more likely to be enforced than terms that establish a major imbalance between the parties.




Conclusion

As time goes by, a person grows both physically and emotionally.  Needs grow and opinions change. Evolving with the changes is necessary for an in-depth growth of a marriage. Before being partners, being carefree as friends, establishing trust, loyalty, and respect becomes important for sustaining the relationship.


However, an individual must be aware and recognize if the relationship turns toxic. Knowing about your rights is also important if something goes wrong. A person should be outspoken in the relationship about his opinions and decisions, when necessary. Keeping a correct flow of thoughts, mutual love and intimacy could surely lead to a sustainable marriage.





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