Should I go for 2nd MARRIAGE?

As per Statista, the world's crude divorce rate was 1.88(number of divorces per 1000 population) in 2017. This depicts that almost two individuals per 1000 population are a widow or a widower. With the emerging progressive world, the individual has every right to decide upon the second marriage. It all depends on how the individual wants to lead the future phases of life.

Reasons for second marriage in contemporary times:

There is an innumerable number of reasons for an individual to go for second marriage. Some of them include:

  • Death of the spouse in first marriage
  • Glitches in the relationship in first marriage which ends up in divorce
  • Mutual agreements on marriage, i.e., for property

The history behind polygamy:

          Polygamy is not a recent phenomenon, and it was prevalent in the past. There are many examples from various phases of history and epics, including Lord Krishna's marriage to 16,100 women, Lord Shiva and his eight wives, Etc. Many rulers in Indian history have practised polygamy. The reasons for polygamy in the past include no equal sex ratio, and there are no enough mem for one to one marriages, high mortality rates of men, the notion that if there are more wives, they will help in agriculture Etc.

Ambedkar's concept of surplus woman and surplus man:

          Ambedkar talked about this concept in his book "caste in India". It is explained with an assumption that both the sexes are evenly distributed, and there is numerical equality between the marriageable units of the two sexes. Here, if a husband dies before a wife, it creates a surplus woman and vice-versa. So, the concept of endogamy is broken. Furthermore, the surplus woman must be disposed of, and she will marry outside the caste and break the endogamy.

          So, the practice of Sati is followed in the past, and the woman was burnt along with the dead man. Another alternative is compulsory widowhood for the rest of her life, where she loses her natural right of being a legitimate wife. The same is not the case with a man who lost his wife. He was permitted to marry or can go for self-imposed celibacy. This shows women's grave situation in the country and their narrow scope for second marriage since times immemorial.  

How does society look at 2nd marriage?

          Many progressive countries consider 2nd marriage as a common phenomena. This can be evidenced from the West. Coming to the societies in South-Asia, they attach some kinds of stereotypical attitudes to marriage. Especially in a country like India, a second marriage is considered a sin till recent times. Though it is common among celebrities to go for 2nd marriage, the same treatment is not given to common individuals, in Hinduism, to be specific.

          However, one should prioritise themselves and must keep their opinions ahead of society’s opinions. So, I don’t think that society’s opinion matters in going for a second marriage. Till the end, it is they who stand for themselves and not the society. 

Should I go for a second marriage?

          As a woman with progressive thoughts, I would say that one should opt for second marriage if that helps better the situation, be it emotional or physical. 2nd marriage is not a compulsion, and it is entirely discrete upon the individual to go for it. However, statistics show that the rate of failure of second marriages is 67%.

          A high rate of failure does not mean that one should not go for second marriages. The complete onus of a marriage or a relationship lies with the partners, and the success of this depends on how they decide to carry the relationship forward. The glitches in first marriage would bring insecurity among the stakeholders, especially among women. This brings their thought to avoid the 2nd marriage. Some women find peace and happiness in living without a partner and exploring the world alone. They should go for it and put thought into second marriage only after making up their mind and are ready for it. 

          The society being patriarchal, some women are deserted by their spouses and desperately need help, must build emotional strength and not lose hope. They should become financially independent and stand on their legs and be able to face the world. Then they can make up their mind regarding second marriage.

          The women who feel that they have found a suitable partner who is understanding and honest can go for second marriage. The 2nd marriage, for me, is normalized from the past, and the same is not observed in women's case. People try to attach their stereotypical attitudes and judge women who opt for second marriage. This mindset must be changed, and egalitarian treatment must be developed.

          Some people find their love after a failed marriage. Then, the second marriage is undoubtedly a lucky vow. So, going for a second marriage depends on the situation and the state in which the individual is present. However, one should not rush into tying a knot after the first marriage. They should take enough time to decide on the marriage because one becomes overly suspicious with increased insecurities due to a failed marriage.

          One must create mutual expectations which are realistic and must build trust and loyalty between each other. It takes time to build such a strong bond, but it is said that no wonder happens overnight. Effective communication and conveying things without conveying them in the wrong way are vital factors to foster a relationship.

Pros of second marriage:

  • One gets a second chance to correct their mistakes from 1st marriage
  • A ray of hope among the family members of either side
  • As they are aware of their roles and responsibilities, they’ll be more careful
  • Scope to overcome the fear, loneliness and insecurities as they have someone to share their life with
  • Commitment towards a relationship increases

Cons of second marriage:

  • Have to go through a lot if the 2nd marriage fails
  • According to statistics, a lot of scope for the failure of 2nd marriage
  • Negative stigma from the society
  • Differential treatment from the relatives if they are not open to such changes

Impact of second marriage on kids:

          The kids are generally sensitive to changes in the family. The label of stepmom or stepdad does not go out of their minds that easily. The notion that they are not the actual parents is carried in the minds of the children. It takes a lot of time and effort for the stepparents to be accepted by the children, especially when the children get to understand the scenario. In this case, preparing the children for the acceptance of that relationship becomes difficult.

           If the second marriage takes place when the children are too young to recognise, then it won’t be a problem until they get to know about it. In some cases, the stepparent tends to ignore the stepchildren, consider them as additional baggage, and preferential treatment is given to the children who share their blood. This brings a new problem in the family, further escalating the situation. 

         So, both the partners must consider all these factors before going for a second marriage. It all depends on the stakeholders on the decision of second marriage. If it brings peace and happiness in their lives, it is worthy of going for it without any second thought. They should deaf ear the world's opinions and must understand that it is solely their decision that matters. 


  • Caste in India by BR Ambedkar

  • Statista 



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