Its Complicated to Next Level: What if You are Pregnant with your Ex-Husband's Child ,as you married your next love?

 
I THINK THE MARRIED WOMEN I HAD  AN AFFAIR WITH IS PREGENT WITH MY BABY WHAT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO?

 

There’s little point in throwing a grenade into her life except if you are certain you can be there as long as possible if the child is yours, says Annalisa Barbieri

Before lockdown, I began an affair with a wedded lady, J. She revealed to me I was her soulmate and nobody had at any point caused her to feel as I did. Those feelings were responded to. After much hesitation and sorrow, she left her husband and I left my wife so we could begin our relationship together.

Very quickly we found J was pregnant. That put a ton of pressure on our relationship. Even though we had needed a child (her first, my second), the speed at which it happened made things difficult between us. I did not adapt well, however, I did not need the relationship to end.

Two or after three weeks she had a scan and revealed to me that the kid was her ex-husband’s, She sent me a duplicate of the copy then, at that point she ended our relationship I questioned the paternity – I had counselled a midwife and, given the dates, I accept the kid is mine – however she became vexed and revealed to me she was certain.

I do not any idea what to do. J is exceptionally certain that she needs to be calm and have happy pregnancy, with no extra pressure. She is trying to rebuild her relationship with her husband who knows nothing about me. She has ended all contact between us. I am shattered that the relationship is finished, however, I need to regard her desires and not furious her. I expect to set cash to the side each month for the child so that if and when I need to offer help, I can do as such. What is the correct thing, ethically, to do?

This week I counselled not one but rather two doctors to help me answer your letter. To begin with, I needed to discover legal implications of what your privileges are and, second, to consider this according to a psychological point of view.

 Mena Ruparel, chair of the Law Society’s family Committee clarified that when a couple are together (and I assume J did not get a separation), there’s a lawful assumption that her husband is the dad. This is known as the assumption of authenticity. So to discredit that, you would have to request that J consent to a DNA test on the child whenever it is conceived (you can do it secretly without her husband knowing, yet, assuming it is yours, he would need to know). If she will not concur and assuming it is something you need to seek after, apply to the courts – a revelation of parentage – clarifying that you have a valid justification to trust you are the dad, and if the court concurs, it can arrange DNA testing.

If the child is yours, that has different legitimate ramifications, like contact, kid support, and so on You can make that use of assertion anytime after the child is conceived, yet I envision in case this was a way you needed to take, you would look to do it before long the kid is conceived because the more you leave it, the greater the effect on the kid’s life.

Those are your legal rights. Be that as it may, what’s legal and what’s moral are not the same thing. Hannah Sherbersky, a psychotherapist, figured you should delay until after the child is conceived. “Morals is very setting decided. It is morally right to accomplish the preliminary work, as you have done [thinking it very well may be yours and needing to remain by J and putting cash away] however it does not mean you need to follow up on that at present.” Sherbersky imagined that while it was honourable you were considering the unborn child, it was additionally certain that J is inside her privileges to request to be left alone with the pregnancy.

Sherbersky likewise needed you to consider your own better half and first kid. Is there any reparative work being done there? What are the ramifications for them in case J’s child is yours?

A child has a privilege to know who their dad is for a wide range of reasons, however, this is a choice no one but you can make because the consequences will be yours to live with. There is little point in throwing a Grenada into J’s life except if you are certain you can be there as long as possible if the child is yours.

At times,” Sherbersky said, “when we do not have the foggiest idea what’s the correct thing to do, it is valuable to work in reverse – consider what might be some unacceptable thing to do. Here it is dog J now in her pregnancy and set expectations.”

 

I propose you see an advisor to talk this through, not least to work out what you truly need. What’s more, when the child is conceived, intercession might be something for you and J to consider.

Consistently Annalisa Barbieri tends to a blood-related issue sent in by a peruser. If you might want counsel from Annalisa on a family matter, kindly send your concern to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa laments she can not go into individual correspondence. Entries are dependent upon our agreements.