divorce or adjustment ichhori.com



People bond in relationships through papers and rituals. People separate from relationships using papers and not rituals. Ultimately bonds are tied through papers and ended through papers. Divorce is not easy but adjusting to the level that it cannot be tolerated is not acceptable. Pushing yourself off the limits, just to save a relationship is not at all the ideal decision to take.

What is divorce?

Divorce is the process of legally terminating a marriage by a court or other equivalent competent body when two people agree that they cannot stay together and they need to end the relationship for a cause. Couples can mutually decide to get divorced. When the decision is normal and mutual, things take place smoothly. Sometimes the couples are asked to stay together and give it another chance and if things don’t work out , they finally get divorced. Some divorces are a cause of ultimate fights, physical abuse and mental torture as well! These divorces are not mutual. Sometimes, one party asks for a divorce and the other party is not willing to give it. Therefore, there are many types of divorce, depending upon different situations. These situations define the problems in a relationship. If the couple has kids , then it is very important to give the custody of the child to the right parent.

What is meant by adjusting in a marriage?

Well, according to the Indian Society, adjusting means to stay in a marriage and not stay out of it, whatever comes may. It is just like , you get beaten up! “Oh well fights are a part of a relationship !” suggestions like “hide it with makeup” “wear something covered up” flows in.This comes both from the girl’s parents (yes, it is sad to hear, but it is true) and the In laws. People also say that come on, he is a man, he is your husband, this gesture is out of love, he only touched you, he is not a stranger! For society, adjusting in every difficult situation is the key to a happy marriage. Staying in a relationship till the end is not a happy marriage. Only the person staying in it knows that. Whenever the topic of divorce comes up , the ultimate answer is “what would other people say!” These other people don’t have to stay in such an abusive relationship. So decide what is good for you! Many times, women adjust because they are not financially independent. For those women , I feel sad, my heart breaks out to think that her family can accept their daughter in an abusive relationship but her father or brother or mother cannot take her financial responsibilities and call her home just because “ what will society think beta?” “Marriages aren’t easy, you need to adjust to last long!” well some adjustments are definitely important because it is a new place and new people and you need to take care of their likes and dislikes and other adjustments can be in terms of food and other things, but that’s it. Why to adjust with abuse?


According to 2021 divorce statistics of India, there is an at least 30 percent increase in the divorce petitions filed in the court. There has been a major 30 to 40 percent increase in petitions in the last 3 months alone. The present pandemic is a major cause of increase in the divorce rate with the increase in the rate of physical abuse and domestic violence. The indian city of Mumbai noticed filing of around 22 divorce cases daily. Around 85 percent of these divorce petitions are given a decree of diviorce. In 2011, 7515 cases were filed and the number remained almost constant for about 9 years. In 2019 , 7727 divorce petitions were filed in the family court. The numbers fluctuated between 7500 and 8300. Last year the court had 5509 cases. 

To what extent adjustment is possible?

     Time issues - some  couples are so busy in their lives that they do not give time to each other and thus lose the spark of the communication and drift apart from each other and decide to divorce. In this case they can try to spend an hour daily talking to each other , instead of just scrolling the cellphone , laptop or spending time with other friends or they can at least try and have a meal together at least once daily, preferably the dinner and talk about their day or anything they want to talk about. Make sure not to fight in this quality time. This issue can be solved if both parties are interested.

     Ambitions and choices - both the parties have to adjust a bit in marriage. If the woman is accepting you for who you are then you should accept her just like she is. She is your wife to spend life with and not wet clay to mould in shape according to your preferences. Let her live the way she wants. She will wear what she likes, she will work in whatever field she wishes to. If she has a night shift, she will go. Instead of complaining, do a nice gesture and pick her up from the office. Both of you live independently and share the love needed to be in a healthy relationship that is it.

When should a person go for divorce?


     Dowry cases -India is a country known for dowry or so called gifts. These are expensive things and cash , which the groom’s family asks from the bride’s family. Every day most women are tortured by the groom’s family in the name of dowry. For these families until they get the best amount or the desired amount of dowry, they keep on torturing the bride such that they get the amount by hook or by crook. Divorce is completely normal in this case because dowry , wealth and physical abuse are not a part of a healthy relationship.

     Marital rape and domestic violence  - even after marriage, no means a no! But some men think that the tag of marriage means they can have intercourse whenever they want to. Wife is just meant for fulfilling their physical needs. When a woman is a part of the intercourse without her own wish, it is called marital rape. Rape exists in married ccouples as well and it is real. Domestic violence, in the form of beating ,  slapping or bashing the woman if she protests or says something or for any other reason is not something you should adjust for! A drunk man beating you cannot be the reason to tolerate just because he is drunk. Drunk or sober, violence is violence. Also teach your kids to not tolerate such things.

     Lost emotional bond - in some cases, couples decide mutually that they cannot stay together. Maybe they cannot adjust together or maybe they are not happy together. The reason can be anything but it's mutual. Even if it is not mutual, one person might one to step out of it.


Marriage is meant for sharing your life with someone out of love , respect and happiness. Relationships aren’t evergreen, you might fall out of love in some days but try to keep the spark alive. Divorce is normal when the woman goes through abuse. Dear parents, welcome your daughter back home and treat her like the princess she was. Others have no right to torture her. She is your daughter, don’t ask her to adjust even if she is getting abused physically. A divorced daughter is better than a long lasting marriage full of physical abuse. Don’t think about relatives and other people, the daughter is yours, she is suffering, how can you accept that? Welcome her home! Divorce is normal in extreme cases. Normalise it.














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