Thinking, “Should we move in together?” Before signing that lease, here are 15 real questions to ask for love, sanity, and long-term success.
So before you pack a bag and sign a lease, here are 15 brutally honest things every couple should think about first.
1. Why are we doing this?
Is it love, or is it convenience? Are you moving in because you genuinely want to build a life together — or because your lease is up and it’s cheaper?
Don’t rush cohabitation just because it’s the “next step.” Move in with intention.
2. Have we spent extended time together?
Weekends and sleepovers are fun — but living together is real life. Have you seen each other tired, grumpy, sick, or stressed?
Try a “trial week” before committing. How do you handle space, noise, chores, or even silence together?
3. Do we have honest communication?
If you avoid hard conversations now, they’ll hit hard when you share a space. Can you talk openly about money, chores, alone time, and future plans?
Strong cohabitation starts with safe communication.
4. What’s our plan if things don’t work out?
It’s not romantic — but it’s responsible. If you break up, who stays? Who leaves? How will bills or deposits be handled?
Have an exit plan, even if you hope to never use it.
5. How will we split rent and expenses?
Even couples who “share everything” need clarity. Will rent be 50/50? Proportional to income? What about groceries, internet, or streaming services?
Money is the #1 cause of conflict in cohabiting couples. Talk first, pay later.
6. What’s our routine compatibility?
Are you a 6 a.m. jogger and they’re a night owl? Do you need silence to work while they blast music to relax?
Daily rhythms matter. They affect peace, productivity, and connection.
7. Have we aligned on cleaning and chores?
Is one of you messy and the other a neat freak? Do you both expect the other to do dishes?
Talk about:
- Who cooks?
- Who cleans the bathroom?
- How often do we vacuum?
It’s not petty — it’s partnership.
8. How do we handle conflict?
If arguments turn cold or explosive, adding constant proximity can make things worse. Do you both know how to fight fair, de-escalate, and resolve issues without resentment?
9. Do we value alone time?
Even couples need personal space. Will you be okay if they spend a weekend gaming or bingeing solo? Can you take a solo walk without guilt?
Define what independence looks like in your shared space.
10. What are our long-term expectations?
Are you moving in with hopes of marriage? Are they just “seeing how it goes”?
Clarity avoids assumptions — and assumptions break hearts.
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11. How do we handle guests and privacy?
Will you host friends? What about in-laws visiting? How much notice feels respectful?
Set boundaries early — especially in small apartments or shared homes.
12. How are we managing emotional triggers?
Does one of you shut down during stress? Do you have trauma from past relationships?
Living together brings past wounds to the surface. Can you hold space for each other — or at least get help when needed?
13. Are we sexually compatible under pressure?
At-home intimacy isn’t all rose petals. Stress, mess, bills — all affect sex. Are you both open, safe, and communicative in the bedroom?
If not, cohabitation can turn passion into passive-aggression.
14. Do we have fun — without screens?
It’s easy to zone out together. But do you laugh? Dance in the kitchen? Cook, walk, read together?
Living together shouldn’t feel like co-working. Create joy together offline.
15. What will this change — and are we ready?
Moving in doesn’t “fix” anything. It amplifies what already exists.
If your relationship is solid, this can deepen love. If it’s shaky, it may crumble faster. Be honest: are you doing this to grow or to patch?
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Final thoughts
Should we move in together? Only if you’re both ready — emotionally, financially, and relationally. Love isn’t just about sleeping next to each other. It’s about showing up daily with honesty, respect, and shared vision.
If that’s your foundation, living together can be beautiful. If not — take your time. The right move-in moment is the one that supports both of you.