Things to keep in mind after a divorce and before jumping into a new relationship

Things to keep in mind after a divorce and before jumping into a new relationship

Things to keep in mind after a divorce and before jumping into a new relationship_


It's been four years since my divorce. There have been a lot of things I've done wrong since then (which is OK since

how else can I grow? ), but there have also been some things I've done properly without even realising it.

Looking back, there are a few things that stand out to me, and I recognise now that they were crucial.

No, they aren't life-changing experiences like spending a few months travelling in India. It was the simple things I

accomplished that gave me confidence since they allowed me to become acquainted with the new me.

When you go through a divorce, you are bound to change. It's still a life-changing experience, even if you want it and

are happier not being partnered. Here are six things I did after my divorce and before I started dating that helped me

grow into a better version of myself.

1. Purchase a vibrator.

If that's what you want to do, I encourage having all the sex you want with anyone. However, you may misinterpret

being horny as being lonely at times (especially when your children are away and your friends are preoccupied). These

are not interchangeable terms. Reach out to someone for a booty call if you want, but how is it helping you if it leaves

you feeling unsatisfied and like you've widened your void? Get yourself a vibrator. If you don't already have one, get

one so you can take care of your sexual requirements on your own. You'll soon be able to distinguish between the want

to get off and the desire to have sex and connect with another person.

2. Go away by yourself.

Go away by yourself for a night or a weekend, even if it's just for a night or a weekend. This does not have to be a big

deal. For one night, I stayed at a hotel (with a spa). It was about a half-hour drive from my home. Because I didn't want

to be bothered, I didn't tell anyone. I wanted to tune out, treat myself, and accept the silence and quiet, which is quite

difficult for me. This vacation proved to me that I could do it and that I didn't need to bury my grief in "busyness." It was

wonderful to get a massage and a pedicure. I spent the remainder of my time eating and watching television, which was

equally enjoyable. Since that night, I've had a different perspective on life when I'm lonely — which isn't often.

3. If you have children, go away with them alone.

It was the first time I'd travelled alone with my children. I was used to seeing my ex-husband. I was accustomed to

receiving assistance. I was used to being in the company of adults. My kids and I, on the other hand, had a great day in

an indoor waterpark. I discovered that I was capable of accomplishing all of the grownup things required to plan a trip

with children. What's the best part? I was able to set the agenda, call the shots, and decide what we would do without

having to check in with another adult. We ordered room service and watched TV instead of heading to the waterslides

on our last night there, which was great by me, but I know my ex would have preferred to keep the party going.

4. Purchase something you've had your eye on for a long time.

I purchased a leather purse that I had been eyeing. When I told my ex what I wanted for Christmas or my birthday, he

dismissed it as a frivolous expenditure. It's incredibly liberating to walk into a store and put down your own money and

make your own darn decision without feeling bad for doing so. It gave me the confidence to trust in myself and want to

buy things for myself when I wanted them instead of relying on others.

5. Make friends with divorced people.

Someone to talk to is going to be necessary. When you start a new relationship, they often become your person. My

two-year-old boyfriend is now that for me. My divorced pals, on the other hand, have been tremendously supportive,

and no one else understands what I'm going through like they do. They are my sounding board, and our friendship is

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unbreakable. I'm not sure if we would have become so close if I had met them while in a relationship.

6. Get rid of all of your ex's belongings.

This is just a little something to cheer you up. I'm not saying you have to do it before you have another partner in your

house since that isn't always possible, but the sooner you do it, the clearer you will feel. I organised all of my handbags

and hats in my ex's closet. It made me feel really organised, and instead of being upset that the closet is still full with

some of his old belongings, I now feel like I have some control over my life. Your new relationship will develop as it

should. I'm not here to tell you that these are must-dos before you fall in love again, but they certainly helped me. When

you go through something difficult, the goal is to feel it, rise above it, and carry the lessons with you.

These six things aided me in becoming a better version of myself so that when I met my partner, I was in a better place

— which is a key reason why I was able to move on and give him a better version of myself.


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