“How to have healthy sex life and get rid of your sexual shame”


“How to have healthy sex life and get rid of your sexual shame”

“How to have healthy sex life and get rid of your sexual shame”_ichhori.com

In our society, sex and shame are inextricably interwoven, particularly for women and those who present in a feminine manner. Women have been taught not to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage and love. They are taught that it is unacceptable to enjoy sex. Men, on the other hand, are taught that they are not “real men” if they do not have “enough” sex. Those antiquated attitudes can make women feel bad about themselves if they make sexual decisions that are not “acceptable” or “appropriate”.

Examine the shame

Take a close look at the source of this shame, whether it is something from family, or religious background, or from friends, or it is actually from yourself. Listen to the voice that informs you of what is good and what is not. If your views about sex and shame come from sources other than yourself, it is time to consider whether they are serving you well. Do not simply accept other people’s and institutions’ viewpoints. Inquire about them, investigate their origins. Then you may decide whether or not to apply them in your life.

Consider what you truly desire

Consider whether you are engaging in the sexual activities that you enjoy, or whether you like how they make you feel. Reflect on whether these activities serve a different motive such as acceptance, attention, or making someone else happy. When a deep part of us realises we are doing something for less than noble reasons, we tend to feel ashamed. Therefore, introspect on your motivations. There should be very little opportunity for shame to creep in if you are making  sexual decisions that are genuinely based on what you desire.

Take control of your sex life

While people of any gender can be forced into sexual situations they are not completely comfortable with, women are frequently taught to be nice and play along to maintain the peace. Men are sometimes taught that they should want sex in any manner at all times. When we give in to such thoughts, however, it is difficult to figure out and ask for what truly excites us. As a result, everyone’s sex life will be less fulfilling. You will own your sex life in a big way if you commit to making conscious decisions about your sex life and about the sexual activities you partake in and why you partake in them.

What is Sexual repression?

Sexual shame occurs out of sexual repression which is the result of restricted sex beliefs or attitudes. These beliefs may be taught explicitly by parents or other caregivers, or may be passively absorbed or introjected by seeing other people. Although most people equate sexual restraint with religious upbringings, conventional views on sexual behaviour can come from many sources. Deep-seated negative thoughts about the concept of sex are referred to as repression. The following are some of the most common themes and behaviours:

·Sexual fantasies are related with feelings of shame and distress.
·After sex or masturbation, one may experience remorse and other negative emotions.
·Having trouble engaging in healthy, consensual sex.
·Following sexual thoughts or activity, engaging in negative self-talk about having an unattractive body and being unworthy of sex.

How to get rid sexual shame or sexual repression

1. Accept sexual thoughts by practicing mindfulness

By increasing sexual awareness and learning to accept sexual thoughts without judgement, mindfulness can help a person become more comfortable with such thoughts. When you recognise a sexual thought, remind yourself that it is natural, and let it go without judging yourself. You may also explore that thought with interest to see what reveals – like an experience you would like to have.

2. Learn more about sex positivity

Sex positivity can help one get through sexual repression by making oneself more comfortable with the thought of sex as a healthy activity. Read essays or books about sexual expression to learn more about sex positivity. It can also entail becoming acquainted with sexual expression in literature, film, and art.

3. Make yourself comfortable with your body

The way you feel about your body might be influenced by repression. People may have a desire to hide or desexualize their bodies by wearing loose clothing and avoiding nakedness, rather than enjoying and accepting their physical selves. One can attempt the following to feel more comfortable in one’s own skin:

·Looking at oneself nude in the mirror
·Make a note of five things one loves about one’s physique
·Sleep naked

4. Speak with a partner

Opening the door to communication with a supportive partner might sometimes make you feel more comfortable expressing your desires. Because it allows you to concentrate on your experience without being distracted by unwanted thoughts, mindfulness during sex can also help you to recognise when you enjoy something. You will be able to express yourself more effectively this way.

Break the vicious cycle

Many parents do not intend to damage their children by passing down incorrect or unhealthy sexual attitudes. They are simply expressing what they have discovered for themselves. Of course, this can lead to a slew of issues, especially if the cycle continues. It can be beneficial to address sexual repression in oneself, especially if one plans to have children. Encourage thinking about sexuality in a healthy way by:

·Teaching children the signs of healthy, romantic and sexual relationships.
·Providing affirming resources to LGBTQIA+ children
·Talking about sex in an honest and open manner, and in an age-appropriate way
·Introducing children to relationships between people of all genders through real-life or media.

Regardless of gender or identity, religious or social expectations about sexual behaviour, can lead to sexual guilt and shame, but this is something that most people can completely overcome. Seeing a trained sex therapist is most often a good place to start. Sex shame is deeply ingrained, and overcoming it will require a lot of effort. It is critical to understand where your feelings are coming from and how to get past them; because a shame-free sex life is the healthiest sex life.
Separating oneself from the root of sexual shame is the first step toward overcoming it, whether that source is a friend, parent, media outlet, or someone else, and then to set boundaries and heal. Therapy, sensual self-care, and masturbation, as well as self-education through books, can help.  Things can sometimes seem worse before they get better in the early stages of processing shame. Finally, sexual shame is nothing to be ashamed of; there are numerous options for releasing it, and there is no one solution that is the “right” and “only” way.
Nobody deserves shame. Break the shame cycle as many times as you need to. Because even if you did not plant the shame seed, you can remove it. Remember to give yourself time, patience, and plenty of acceptance as you begin to unlearn this sexual shame. It is fine if you need further help from a therapist or a support group. Sexual shame and guilt can be deeply rooted concerns, despite the fact that there are actions you can take on your own and with the help of loved ones. Consider working with a therapist or mental health care provider who is trained in assisting individuals with the exploration of emotions and thoughts in order to develop stronger, healthier thought patterns and behaviours. By simply talking feelings out with a neutral expert, one can benefit from a professional’s perspective.



Previous Post Next Post