Have you ever felt that you are never heard in your relationship ? It is the right time to connect

Feeling unlovable in relationships? You’re not broken. Let’s unpack why it happens, how to stop spiralling, and how to reconnect with your worth

can hit like a quiet storm.

You’re texting less, overthinking more, and questioning why love always seems harder for you than for everyone else.

But here’s the truth: you are not the only one who’s ever thought, “What if I’m just not loveable?” And more importantly—you’re not broken.

Why do I feel unlovable in the first place?

This feeling doesn’t come out of nowhere. It usually grows from:

Past relationship trauma
Childhood emotional neglect
Rejection or ghosting in dating
Internalised shame or self-comparison

It builds slowly—through patterns, not proof. But the emotion becomes so strong that it feels like fact.

What “feeling unlovable” looks like

You might not say the words aloud, but it shows up in how you behave:

Overexplaining your worth in texts
Attracting emotionally unavailable people
Panicking when someone pulls away
Staying in toxic dynamics to avoid being alone

You might even sabotage healthy love because it feels unfamiliar—or undeserved.

This isn’t about your value—it’s about your wiring

If you were conditioned to feel “too much” or “never enough,” love might trigger fear instead of safety. That’s not a flaw. That’s survival logic from your past trying to protect you.

But you can rewire it. Here's how.

1. Stop tying your lovability to being chosen

If you believe love = being wanted by someone else, you’ll keep chasing people who don’t see you clearly. And when they leave, your identity collapses.

Reminder: Being loved and being lovable are not the same thing. You are inherently lovable—even when single, even when rejected, even when healing.

2. Start noticing your inner voice

Do you say things like:

“I’m too intense. I scare people off.”
“If I was thinner/smarter/calmer, they’d stay.”
“Maybe I expect too much from people.”

These aren’t facts. They’re scripts. And they need rewriting.

3. Identify where the belief came from

Was it a parent who withdrew when you cried? A partner who cheated? Friends who made you feel replaceable?

Pinpoint the origin. Name it. Then challenge it.

Example: “I felt unwanted when Dad left, but that was his story—not mine.”

4. Allow yourself to be loved without earning it

You don’t need to be hyper-helpful, endlessly agreeable, or always put together to be worthy of love.

Practice receiving affection without deflecting it. Sit with compliments. Let someone show up for you—even when you’re a mess.

Mid-article ichhori reads:

5. Learn to emotionally self-regulate

When we feel unlovable, every unanswered text or small conflict can feel like abandonment.

Learn to:

Breathe before reacting
Journal your spirals out instead of projecting them
Say: “I feel triggered, but I know this isn’t the full story.”

This builds emotional safety inside you, not just in others.

6. Let go of relationships that make you prove your worth

If someone constantly leaves you questioning your value—they are not your home.

Stop trying to earn basic things like:

Consistent communication
Respectful honesty
Being seen when you're struggling

Those are the floor—not the ceiling—of real love.

7. Replace “Am I loveable?” with “Am I safe here?”

The real question isn’t “Why doesn’t anyone love me?” It’s “Why am I trying to get love from unsafe people?”

Ask:

Can I express myself here?
Do I feel calm more often than anxious?
Am I shrinking myself for this connection?

If the answers don’t feel good, it’s not about you being unlovable—it’s about the container not being safe.