What is Gatsbying? The Dating Trend Taking Over TikTok & Instagram in 2025
What is Gatsbying — and why is everyone on TikTok talking about it?
If you’ve ever posted a story, reel, or perfectly curated photo hoping *someone* would notice — congratulations, you’ve officially participated in Gatsbying.
Where Did Gatsbying Come From?
The term “Gatsbying” is inspired by Jay Gatsby, the tragic romantic hero of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel, who threw grand parties hoping Daisy Buchanan would show up. Fast-forward to 2025, and we’re doing the digital version — posting a sunset beach pic, tagging an art gallery, or dropping a moody lyric on our story, secretly hoping a crush views it.
Why Are People Gatsbying?
Let’s be honest — dating in the age of social media is a minefield. People want connection but fear vulnerability. Gatsbying offers a safe space between expression and rejection.
- It’s passive – you’re not texting first.
- It’s calculated – you can time and craft your post.
- It’s public yet private – no one knows who it's aimed at.
Signs You’re Being Gatsbyed
Wondering if someone is Gatsbying you? Look out for these clues:
- They post overly curated content right after you view their story.
- Their captions become flirtier, more cryptic.
- Sudden interest in your niche hobbies? Check their posts.
- You feel like it’s “for you” — without being tagged.
The Psychology Behind Gatsbying
Gatsbying relies on intermittent reinforcement — a psychological trick where unpredictable rewards keep people hooked. Think slot machines. You post, you wait, you hope. A view, like, or DM acts as the ‘jackpot’.
It’s also about perceived social proof. You’re subtly broadcasting “I’m living my best life,” without saying a word. It’s less about communication and more about performance.
How It Impacts Modern Dating
Gatsbying is changing how we flirt. It's now more common to express interest through story views, likes, and emoji reactions than through direct messages. While it might feel harmless, it can create confusion.
Pros:
- Low risk way to test the waters
- Non-verbal emotional signalling
- Leverages the visual-first nature of dating
Cons:
- Can lead to overthinking and misinterpretation
- Encourages emotional unavailability
- Promotes validation-seeking over genuine connection
Real Stories: When Gatsbying Works
Ella, 25, from Chicago: “I posted a mirror pic in his favourite band tee. Two hours later, he replied to my story with a heart. We’ve been talking since.”
Jason, 29, from Austin: “My ex kept watching my stories, so I posted a song that was ‘our song.’ She DM’d me 10 minutes later.”
Gatsbying vs. Other Trends
There are plenty of dating trends floating around — breadcrumbing, orbiting, and zombie-ing. But Gatsbying