How to Give Feedback on sex?


How to Give Feedback on sex?

When I suggest that my sex therapy clients receive sexual feedback, they frequently respond with a violent eye roll or an unhappy sigh. The majority of individuals are uncomfortable with the subject. Shouldn't my spouse just know what to do? and They can't possibly think I like it, I hear.

Many of us appear to despise the thought of discussing our desires, likes, and dislikes during sex. Feedback, on the other hand, is an important aspect of happy and healthy sex life. Learn why you should modify your mind about feedback and how to feel more at ease speaking with your spouse during sex by reading on.

Why you should give feedback?

It's unreasonable to expect your partner to be able to read your mind at any time, especially when it comes to something as personal as what makes their body happy. It puts a lot of pressure on your partner because they don't know if you like what they're doing. If your spouse is concentrating on you, they may be disappointed if they receive no response.

You may have had a similar experience. Have you ever had sex with someone who remained entirely silent? Perhaps they just sat there with a blank expression on their face or walked around like a robot. Perhaps you had the impression that they would rather be completing their taxes at the time. Can you recall how frightened and self-conscious you felt as a result?

Now, do you recall a partner that was enthusiastic about communication as well? Maybe they complimented your technique, moaned, or made a lot of eye contact with you. Night and day are the two types of experiences.

How to Motivate Yourself to Improve Your Sexual Life?

You're well aware that your sex life isn't ideal. You've had a lot of arguments with your partner about how horrible things are.

For survivors of sexual abuse, feedback is very crucial. It can impair your current sex life if you've been mistreated in the past. Fear or anxiety can be triggered by certain actions, positions, or even words. It's critical that you and your partner be able to speak about how you can feel comfortable during sex. People who are in agony during sex are in the same boat. Never force oneself to bear agony or pain in silence.

Understand the difference between feedback and instructions

But I don't even know what I want!" is one of the most common excuses I hear about giving input. Many people confuse feedback with instructions, believing that they should give their spouse precise, step-by-step instructions on how to do anything. If that's what you consider feedback to be, it's understandable that you don't want to give it. The majority of us wouldn't be able to write down exact instructions for what we desire. If you have a specific set of instructions for your partner (for example, perhaps you want to play out a detailed dream), that's fantastic! However, the concept behind feedback is that you are currently reporting back to your spouse about your experience. You're taking note of what they're doing and expressing your reaction to it. ‘That feels fantastic’ or ‘Don't stop’ are examples of simple feedback.

Get in tune with your experience

You must be present enough with your own body and experiences to be able to share them with your partner in order to give this kind of feedback. For many of us, this is yet another major issue. Many of us are in our brains, judging our performance or worried about our partner's experience, as sex may cause a lot of anxiety. Instead, you must learn to concentrate on your own body and the sensations, emotions, and reactions that you are experiencing. This takes some practice, but it's a goal that's well worth pursuing.

Give feedback after the fact

If you're nervous about giving feedback, one way to ease into it is to do so after you've had sex with your partner. This is what I refer to as the post-sex wrap-up session. You can tell your partner about the precise aspects of that interaction that you enjoyed, what you'd like to repeat in the future, or what you'd like to attempt at some point. Sharing the afterglow together can sometimes provide a much more relaxed atmosphere for exchanging feedback.

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Choose a communication style that feels natural to you.

Finding the communication style that works best for you is another method to become more comfortable delivering feedback. Nonverbal communication, such as moving your body in a certain manner, making eye contact with your partner, or grasping their hand, may be appealing to you. Alternatively, sounds such as moans, groans, or heavy breathing can be used. Perhaps you're more at ease with language and can say things like "A little softer" or "Can you play with my breasts?"

Become more self-assured in your communication.

If speaking during sex is difficult for you, practising on your own can help you become more comfortable. This may seem stupid, but try saying particular terms to yourself out loud, such as "Can I climb on top?" or "Go a little harder." If you want to get better at it, you can even practise groaning! Recite such phrases over and again until you begin to feel more at ease. The key to becoming more comfortable is repetition.

Talk to your partner about it

If you're in a relationship, I strongly advise you to discuss how you and your spouse give feedback. You can tell your partner that you'd like to be able to give them feedback but are having trouble doing so. You might be able to come up with new ways to communicate with each other during sex if you work together. For example, you could agree ahead of time that when you're feeling really wonderful, you'll hold your partner's shoulder or place your hand over theirs to guide them to the appropriate location. The more you and your partner feel like a team, the easier it will be to provide feedback.

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