How to Tell Someone You're Only Interested in Sex Without Sounding Like a Jerk?


How to Tell Someone You're Only Interested in Sex Without Sounding Like a Jerk?


The title of this article is upbeat. You'll seem like an asshole if you tell someone who has feelings for you that you don't want to date them but do want to sleep with them. However, there are a few ways to sound less like one. You're not a nasty person, but it's easy for people to get wounded when sentiments are involved, so proceed with caution as you follow the advice below.

Make sure this is really what you want

Make sure you know what you actually want before approaching another individual and declaring that you have little interest in their personality but plenty of interest in their body.

Are you doing this out of fear of a new relationship or because you're still hurting from a past one? Are you having trouble explaining how you're dating numerous people at the same time?

It's critical to examine your own feelings before influencing the feelings of others. If the issue isn't that you don't want to pursue a relationship, but that you are unable to do so for whatever reason, you may be able to work it out with the other person.

However, if all you want is something casual and tactile, that's acceptable as well.

Start with a compliment

It's usually easier to start a challenging topic on a positive note. This is true when quitting a job ("I've learned a lot over the last three years, but...") or telling a stylist you don't like your hair color ("I adore how my bangs turned out, but..."). It's also true when you're trying to let someone down gently while luring them into sleeping with you on the side.

Even if you don't mean to when you come out and state, that you're not interested in dating someone, you're putting them down. It's a good start. After all, the other person has some redeeming qualities. Try this:

Over the last few weeks, I've enjoyed getting to know you. You're quite hilarious and attractive, but I'm unable to commit to a relationship at this time. However, the sex is fantastic—and I hope you agree—so if you're interested, I'd want to continue.

If you're scared that merely wanting to have sex will insult the other person, I believe the best way is to put it on yourself, Samantha N., a 29-year-old New Yorker who's had these conversations a few times, noted.

In other words, accept responsibility for your lack of interest in a connection. Clearly state that you are not interested in dating exclusively at this time. Obviously, the most important thing is to respect whatever answer someone has there, Samantha continued. It's not a big problem if someone can't accomplish it. Proceed to the next individual. It's not like you have any emotional attachment to them."

Keep in mind that the other person has the right to refuse this arrangement. That is their right, and you are taking a risk.

Be as honest as you can

For two reasons, you don't want to hurt the other person: First and foremost, you are a kind human being who despises seeing others suffer. Second, even after you've rejected them romantically, you still want to sleep with them.

Having stated that, you must remain truthful. To walk the fine line between being honest and being disrespectful, use your discretion.

Don't tell your parents anything if your reason for simply wanting to be physical is cruel, such as your parents disapproving of the other person. However, if they ask direct questions, you owe them an explanation, especially if you've been dating for a while and they like you.

Don’t be hard on yourself

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want, admitting it, and accepting that it's physical rather than emotional.

"It's 2021," Samantha explained, "therefore it's perfectly natural, respected, and wonderful to discuss your requirements with people."

Even if having this talk is uncomfortable, it's best, to be honest about what you want than to continually lead someone on.

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