What Are The
Problems you face with being demisexual?
Marshall
is laughed out of the pub booth in an episode of How I Met Your Mother titled
"The Naked Man," for claiming that the only reason people should have
sex is if they're in love. The gang comes up with 50 different reasons why
individuals have sex as a result of this statement. Makeup sex, breakup sex,
vengeance sex, nothing nice on TV sex, rebound sex, and so on are some
examples. And, as relatable as they all are, I can only associate with
Marshall's. But I suppose that's simply one of the drawbacks of being
demisexual.
PROBLEM
#1: YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
For
those unfamiliar with the word, it was coined in 2006 to describe "a
person who does not experience sexual attraction until they have made a deep
emotional connection with a potential partner." The term "emotional
bond" is defined differently by different people. Demi-sexuals might be
romantically inclined in any way." Yes, having a label is infamously a
feature of this period, but it may also be beneficial. For example, I've
already discussed my own personal experience with this topic since, for years,
I had to cope with being the Marshall in a world of Barneys (see the show to
get my drift), and it was quite difficult for me. Some may not find this to be
particularly dramatic, and I respect that, especially when considering the history
and the fight for equality. Nonetheless, I felt powerless as I struggled to fit
in, was told I was "strange," and had no idea what to do about it. I
was fighting a lost war against current society, myself, and the future. It's
only going to grow worse if I can't do this now. So, I reasoned.
Problem
#2: Falling prey TO PEER PRESSURE
In
a sex-obsessed society, I felt isolated in my antiquated idea of romance. That
emotion hasn't changed from adolescence to maturity. The only thing I have is
my ability to accept myself and let go of things I can't control. What started
as rumors that I was a lesbian because I didn't have a boyfriend as a kid
turned into instances where I was told that being demisexual isn't genuine.
Peer pressure came in a variety of forms, ranging from being recommended goofy
dating applications I didn't understand to being questioned, why don't you
fancy him, though? But I'm no longer content to be in a relationship because
it's the socially acceptable thing to do, or to go on dates because I've been
alone for "too long." I've decided not to let it affect me any longer.
Because, unlike my adolescent self, who felt lonely and believed she had to
march to the beat of the loudest drum, I now recognise I was mistaken. I wasn't
the only one who felt this way. I was concealing my identity in order to blend
in with the "masses," as I saw them. In reality, there are a lot of
people that think this way. Even with this certainty, there is still a problem:
others must be educated.
PROBLEM
#3: SOCIAL PERCEPTIONS
Before
you stomp on my figurative buttocks, let me state unequivocally that I am not
humiliating anyone for being sexually liberated. In fact, I've spent my entire
life on this great blue marble trying to figure out why individuals view sex so
differently. Specifically, I used to be offended when a man approached me with
only one goal in mind. To be honest, because of the way I'm wired, that emotion
will probably never go away. Nonetheless, I am a really open-minded person who
enjoys hearing the reasons why people approach others with such confidence and
zeal. That could be why I love watching How I Met Your Mother so much. It
fairly portrays both sides of this seductive coin, demonstrating that
completely normal, likeable, and well-functioning people can be wired in one
direction or the other and still get along. Of course, gentle mockery is
permitted between friends, and if someone acts inappropriately in relation to
their sexual pursuits, they will be put in their place. But, for the most part,
everyone gets along. This is something that has to be discussed more widely,
not just among friends, but in society as a whole. So, while I may never want
to have a one-night stand, I understand why others do. The same logic should be
applied in the opposite direction. Because, regardless of how the media depicts
it, both sides exist; one is simply more popular than the other, which brings
me to my next point.
PROBLEM
#4: LONELINESS
The
globe has been shrouded in smoke, demonstrating that sex is what sells, what
makes individuals wealthy, and what others desire. But this isn't entirely
accurate. This make-believe is what has made demisexual people feel entirely
alone, regardless of their orientation (straight, homosexual, bi, and so on).
Only in the last several years have we begun to find our voice. Instead of
being mocked for not being able to find another sexually appealing person in
five seconds, we can simply shrug our shoulders and know we're perfectly
normal. There is no longer any necessity for deception. We may never experience
lust at first sight, but that doesn't imply we're doomed to be alone. It simply
takes a little longer. I'm still convinced that a like-minded other exists
somewhere out there and that we'll meet when the time is right, even though
I've been alone for five years. Because, if I exist, then they must as well,
right? Nonetheless, while society is growing more aware of these sexual and
romantic distinctions, we must not allow this to affect our thinking.
PROBLEM
#5: SUBJECT OF SHAME
Some
people even go so far as to declare that demi-sexuality is the "right"
way to be. Anything other than that is "wrong." In a world full of
diversity, attempting to narrow down what should and shouldn't be done in terms
of sexual behavior appears to be completely foolish. Controlling how the party
plays out is irrelevant as long as there is consent between two persons (or
however many people like to attend the party). Nobody else's business is what
people choose to do. All I ask in return is that you 1) do not give me an
invitation to the party, and 2) do not mock me if one is received and I gently
reject. Because calling a demisexual person choosy or prudish is just as
disrespectful as calling someone who has been heavily sexed a hussy or a slut.
Neither party should feel obligated to apologize for who they are. Neither
party should be afraid of admitting the truth about themselves or ashamed of
it. It's weird enough in this world without all that nonsense.
This
is where the importance of input comes into play. If this problem could be
properly simplified, I believe that instead of casting aspersions on
individuals who disagree with our values, we should find out methods to coexist
with them. We should strive to comprehend the reasons behind the other's ideas,
exhibit acceptance of the person as a whole, and, most importantly, help each
other navigate through life, much like in popular comedy. It is, in my opinion,
the only route ahead.