What not to do when dating in your 20s? These 3 mistakes are common but costly. Avoid drama, heartbreak, and wasted energy with these smart tips.
Is the kind of advice we all wish we had before that one text we regret, that almost-relationship we clung to, or that situationship that dragged out for months. Your 20s are for growing, yes—but they’re also for learning how to protect your peace while dating.
Here are 3 major dating mistakes that can cost you clarity, time, and emotional energy—and how to avoid them smartly.
1. Don’t confuse consistency with compatibility
Just because someone texts back fast, shows up on time, or sends good morning snaps doesn’t mean they’re your person. Consistency is great—but it’s the bare minimum.
- Ask: Do your values align?
- Can you be yourself around them?
- Are they curious about your mind—or just your body?
Compatibility means depth. Don’t mistake routine for real connection.
Signs it’s just convenience, not compatibility
- You rarely talk about anything deep
- They avoid conversations about the future
- You feel more anxious than calm when you’re with them
They might fit into your life—but that doesn’t mean they fit you.
2. Don’t stay just because of potential
This one’s huge. In your 20s, it’s easy to date someone for who they could become—not who they actually are. But:
- You’re not their life coach
- You’re not their emotional rehab
- You’re allowed to want a partner—not a project
Yes, people grow. But love isn’t about waiting for someone to level up—it’s about meeting each other where you’re already strong and growing together from there.
If they’re not ready, that’s your sign
- If they can’t communicate now, don’t expect that to magically change
- If they disrespect your boundaries now, don’t stay hoping they’ll respect them “once they mature”
Love them for who they are—not the version you hope they’ll become.
Need help recognising dating red flags?
- Consequences of Dating Emotionally Unavailable People
- What to Know Before Getting Into a Relationship
3. Don’t lose yourself trying to be “chill”
Being chill isn’t bad—but silencing your needs, downplaying your feelings, or pretending you're fine with “casual” when you’re not? That’s not cool—that’s code for self-abandonment.
- Speak your truth early: “I’m looking for a real connection.”
- If they disappear after that, they did you a favour
- You can be soft and strong—you don’t have to perform detachment
Your 20s are about building a self—not erasing it to fit someone else’s expectations.
What happens when you don’t speak up?
- You attract people who only love your silence
- You waste time hoping they’ll change without you changing your boundaries
- You end up resenting them—and yourself
Say what you want. Say it early. Say it often.
Real stats on dating in your 20s (2024)
- 56% of singles aged 20–29 say they’ve stayed in a relationship out of comfort, not love (Pew)
- Nearly 62% report dating someone who “had potential” but never followed through
- Over 70% of women in their 20s say they’ve hidden their feelings to seem “cooler” in early dating
More IChhori reads to protect your peace
What not to do when dating in your 20s? Don’t settle for routine, don’t wait for someone to change, and don’t silence yourself for approval. Your 20s are for exploring love—but also for learning how to protect it by protecting yourself.