To the girl stuck in an abusive relationship, From the girl who escaped an abusive relationship.
My
heart starts to beat faster, louder, and harder as I lie in bed, frozen by
flashbacks of an abusive relationship. Through the shared apartment wall, I can
hear the bass in his voice. Berating is a sound that I am all too familiar
with. You are not allowed to speak to him. If I didn't know better, I'd assume
your silence meant he was alone, possibly yelling on the phone. It's evident
that this isn't a conversation between the two of you. It's just the voice of
an enraged, disrespectful somebody who isn't even deserving of the title of
man.
Glass
shattering from our shared wall brings a tear to my eye. I've been in your
shoes before. "Should I be contacting the cops?" I ask myself. I feel
bad for not calling, but I know that if the cops had arrived, the violence
would have escalated the following time. I've been in your shoes. I sat there,
watching as the man I thought loved me screamed at me and threw things at me.
I've had the same ominous thoughts you have, constantly wondering, "Am I
going to be the next thing he breaks?"
A
bag is flung upon our shared steps, and the door bangs twice. There is a little
pause. I don't see you depart, so I'm guessing you're still with that man in
that apartment. Panic overtakes me. Are you all right? Why has the combat come
to a halt? 10 minutes, 15 minutes, and 20 minutes have passed. This entire
time, my mind has been racing. My mind has convinced my body that I am the one
who is reliving this debate.
I
hear a quiet voice, but not clearly enough to figure out a judgement on the
matter. I hear your laugh after an hour has passed. You two walk away, hands in
each other's as if nothing had happened.
I'm
completely spent. Because of our shared barriers, I unintentionally experienced
my own trauma. I thought I'd broken the cycle when I left my own abusive
relationship. I had assumed that I would be able to sleep all night. I believed
I'd recovered.
I'm
not sure what caused the dispute between you two or what it's about, but I can
assure you that you don't deserve to be treated this way. No human being has
ever done so.