How to start a conversation on a dating app? It's the question every swiper eventually faces. Because the truth is, matching is easy—messaging is where most people fall flat.
Opening with “hey” won’t cut it anymore. In fact, it’s one of the fastest ways to get ignored. Whether you're using Tinder, Bumble, Hinge or any other dating app, your first message is your first impression—and it matters.
Why the First Message Matters So Much
Your opener sets the tone. A boring message says, “I didn’t try.” A thoughtful one says, “I noticed you.” In dating apps where people are flooded with messages, this is your shot to stand out and spark real interest.
- It shows personality
- It shows effort
- It opens a conversation, not just a reply
What NOT to Say First
Before we dive into what works, let’s eliminate what doesn’t:
- “Hey” or “Hi”—no energy, no hook
- “You’re hot” or “sexy” – instant red flag
- Copy-paste pickup lines – you’re not the only one using them
If you wouldn’t say it to someone face-to-face within 30 seconds of meeting them, don’t write it here.
5 Proven Ways to Start a Conversation on Dating Apps
Let’s make your match turn into an actual conversation. Here’s what works, backed by dating coaches and app data:
1. Reference Something Specific in Their Profile
This is hands-down the most effective opener. People love when you actually read their profile.
Example: “You said you’ve watched The Office 8 times. Please tell me your favorite moment.”
2. Use Humor or a Friendly Tease
Light sarcasm or observational humor can make you memorable fast—just don’t go mean or weird.
Example: “A dog in your first 3 pics? Is that your dating strategy or are you just that obsessed?”
3. Ask a Thoughtful Question
People love talking about themselves. Use that.
Example: “If you had a free ticket to travel anywhere this weekend, where would you go?”
4. Use a Fill-in-the-Blank Opener
Make them finish a sentence. It’s fun and invites creativity.
Example: “The one food I could eat every day and never get sick of is ________.”
5. Compliment With Intent
If you’re going to compliment, make it meaningful—not about their body or looks alone.
Example: “You’ve got great energy. You seem like someone who’s always up for adventure.”
Timing Matters Too
Best times to message on dating apps? According to Hinge and Bumble data:
- Sunday evenings (6 PM–9 PM) get the most engagement
- Weekday evenings (after 7 PM) are solid second choices
Try not to message at 2 AM. You’ll either get ignored—or get filtered into “hookup zone.”
Real Talk: Why You’re Not Getting Replies
Still getting ghosted after a good message? Here’s what might be happening:
- You’re too generic
- You waited too long to message
- Your profile doesn't match your vibe (bad photos, empty bio)
- They’re overwhelmed with messages and missed yours
It’s not always about you. But that’s why your opener needs to rise above the noise.
Keep It Going: How to Maintain the Vibe
Once they reply, don’t panic. Here’s how to keep things flowing:
- Ask a follow-up question about their response
- Match their tone (don’t be a robot or interrogator)
- Use emojis sparingly—but they help lighten tone
- Switch to a voice note if the app supports it—adds connection
And don’t stress if the conversation dies. Most matches don’t lead to marriage. If it fizzles, move on and try again.
Need help revamping your profile too? Check out these dating profile tips that attract real matches.
FAQs
Q: Is it okay to use GIFs or memes to start?
A: Yes—but only if they’re relevant and not overused. Bonus if it fits their profile vibe.
Q: Should guys always message first?
A: Not on apps like Bumble! Whoever sees the match should feel free to message first—gender aside.
Q: Can I message again if they don’t reply?
A: One follow-up is fine. But don’t chase. If they’re not interested, respect that.
Final Take
Your first message can make or break your shot. So be bold, be smart, and most importantly—be curious about them. That’s what gets replies. That’s what builds connection.
Want to know more about decoding dating app success? Read this piece on TikTok dating advice that actually works.
How to start a conversation on a dating app? Just say something that makes them feel seen—and gives them a reason to reply.