how to maintain the intimacy spark after having children?

 How to maintain the intimacy spark after having children?

Parenting is beautiful; babies are adorable yet it takes a toll on both parents. Especially, women go through a lot emotionally, mentally and physically during the process.  The tiredness, all the time that goes with the baby, physical transformations in the female body, lack of intimacy, bickering, conflicts and many more unavoidable differences change the dynamics of the husband-wife relationship. Every relationship goes through a rough patch after the first baby. 

So many things to do for the baby in less time, that often the partner feels left out when the other partner spends a lot of time with the baby or talking about the baby. Some parents often catch up with the baby and overlook their relationship with their partner. Though this phase doesn't last long, this storm wipes out the charm in the relationship of many couples. Many times the couple drifts apart by starting to adjust to the new environment; they may feel cut off from their old life. 

Nevertheless, the couple needs to find time for themselves in this fiasco to restore the spark of the relationship. Since it is important to maintain a healthy relationship for the child to grow up, the new parents should work together as a team. 

Here are a few tips to keep the spark intact after having children…

  1. Parenting is teamwork - As someone said, it takes a village to raise a child; it takes effort and time from both parents. It is not just the responsibility of the mother to look after the child. Talk, listen to each other and stand together. 

  2. Take time for each other - Make time for each other every day. Talk and listen to your partner about your day. Appreciate each other's efforts; ask family or friends to babysit to spend time with each other. Hug each other and let the negative emotion slip away. 

  3. Share the domestic duties - After having a child so many things have to be done quickly. Many chores and less time; that’s when the bickering and conflicts start. Keeping an eye on the baby, household chores, and balancing professional and personal life is a lot to handle in a day. The partner should always be supportive, observing and open-minded. 

  4. Parenting style - Discuss the strategies beforehand. Feeding, putting the baby to bed, and cleaning hits different when only one parent is smaking their head at the middle of the night. Be empathetic to each other. 

  5. Intimacy is important - Sleep time over Sex. The couple tends to have sex half as often and the struggle is unspeakable because of the sleeplessness and tiredness. To keep the fire on plan romantic date nights, Netflix and chill in pyjamas on weekends, maintain skin-to-skin contact as much as possible. Do not discuss much about the baby when you are alone with your partner, stay in the moment. The Internet always comes in handy when you want to send your partner a scheduled love note or a message. 

  6. Take some me time or some time with your pals to refresh your mind. Do not over-talk about the baby,  concentrate on knowing what's happening. Do your favourite activities in your me time like listening to music by dancing it off, Watching your favourite TV show, going for a short walk etc. 

  7. Money matters more than you think - Raising a baby is a costly affair. The anxiety about the expenses is always going to stay with you but do not lash out at your partner. There are many financial models one can adopt, by squeezing in the expenses. Making better choices while spending; as you are in it together. 

Even though couples drift apart during the early stage of parenting, they can still work on it by being mindful of it. Many times new moms and dads are so obsessed with the child, they unknowingly lose their social circle. The couples need to concentrate on their relationship,  which is as important as their relationship with their child. Focus on solving the problem together instead of throwing out words at each other.


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