Before diving into love, here’s what you need to know. Real questions, real prep—emotional, mental, and practical.
It’s a question more people should ask—because love without clarity is just confusion with better lighting.
Whether you’ve been single for years or you’re finally saying yes to that Bumble crush, jumping into a relationship without self-checks is like hiking without shoes. You might make it, but it’s gonna hurt.
This isn’t about red flags or cheesy tips. This is the essential relationship prep—emotional, mental, and real.
1. Know your own patterns before blaming theirs
Ask yourself:
- Do I chase emotionally unavailable people?
- Do I shut down instead of talking it out?
- Do I expect someone to “fix” loneliness?
Your past isn’t a problem—until you ignore it. Relationships won’t heal what you haven’t faced.
2. Know your non-negotiables (before hormones hijack you)
Write down 3 things you will never tolerate. Then 3 things you need to feel safe.
- Examples: Emotional neglect? Dealbreaker. Active listener? Must-have.
- If someone checks every box—but misses your core need? That’s not a match.
People don’t change for love. Don’t hope they will.
3. Be okay alone—or you’ll settle for anything
If your reason for dating is “I hate being single,” hit pause. You deserve better than desperation.
- Being alone is better than being confused in someone’s arms.
- If you can’t enjoy your own company, a relationship won’t fix that—it’ll expose it.
Date because you want to build—not to be saved.
4. Clarify your love language—and learn to speak theirs
Love isn’t just saying “I care.” It’s how you show up.
- Do you feel loved through touch, words, gifts, or time?
- Can you give that love in their language—not just your own?
Compatibility isn’t just vibe—it’s fluency in each other’s needs.
5. Understand attachment styles
Know if you’re anxious, avoidant, secure, or mixed. It affects:
- How you communicate
- How you react to conflict
- How you handle space or closeness
You don’t need to be “perfectly healed”—just aware. That’s half the battle.
6. Don’t confuse chemistry with compatibility
Sparks fade. Shared values last.
- Do you agree on commitment timelines?
- Can you talk about money, family, mental health?
- Do they respect your independence?
Great kissing doesn’t equal great communication. Don’t skip the hard talks.
Want more dating insights?
7. Ask: Do I have the emotional capacity to support someone else?
Relationships aren’t just about what you get. They’re also about what you give.
- Are you ready to show up on hard days—not just fun ones?
- Can you hold space without fixing?
If your cup is empty, pouring into someone else won’t fill it. Start with self-nourishment.
8. Be ready for conflict—not just connection
No matter how “perfect” they seem, there will be disagreements. That’s normal. What matters is:
- Do they shut down or lash out?
- Can they apologise and repair—or just deflect?
- Can you own your part without shame?
Healthy couples fight. Unhealthy ones repeat fights because no one listens.
9. Know how to be vulnerable (without oversharing)
Emotional intimacy grows in layers—not floods.
- Start small: fears, dreams, wins.
- Pay attention to how they handle your truth.
If they mock or minimise you, that’s not intimacy—it’s danger in disguise.
10. Make space for growth—not perfection
Relationships won’t always feel magical. Life gets busy. People grow. That’s normal.
- Can you both evolve without outgrowing the bond?
- Can you accept changes in pace, energy, and roles?
Flexibility is love. Rigidity is control.
Other IChhori Guides to Strengthen Your Relationship Game
What are the things you need to know before get into the relationship? Start with self-awareness, truth, and readiness—not just butterflies. Love is more than a feeling. It’s a decision to meet someone halfway—with both feet planted.