Bench dating; red flags

 Bench dating; red flags

Since the early 2000s, the dating phrase "benching" has been used to describe the practice of keeping someone on the sidelines as a possible possibility when you're either not prepared to commit or simply don't feel very strongly enough about them to go very far.

Imagine playing any team sport to understand what it means to bench someone. The good players take the field, while the less talented ones sit on the sidelines. The benched players ultimately have a chance to participate, if the good players are injured or are forced to leave the game. The same thing applies to benching, but with additional components like false hopes, lack of commitment, grief, and, not to mention, feeling foolish. You could have fallen victim to ghosting, breadcrumbing, or fishing dating, but benching dating is a whole other scenario that has all the makings of making you feel uneasy and anxious as soon as you understand what has been done to you.

They show you that they are engaged in you, but only enough to put you in the loop, like many others, so you are stuck in a relationship limbo. They choose whether or not to continue working with you once they reach their limit of available possibilities. Benching dating is similar to receiving breadcrumbs; you only receive small amounts of attention in the hopes that it may lead to something more. You come to understand that you were only his or her backup in the end.

Signs to know that you are being benched

  • Imagine searching for a committed partner only to learn that you were merely a backup. Bench dating is a practice that people engage in as an ego boost. These benchers appear to view having to choose or reject attention from several individuals as a luxury. These folks have just one rule: pay little attention, don't commit, and have high expectations.
  • Being benched may quickly make you feel like you're in a toxic relationship. They have your attention for a very long period because of this. You can believe that you shouldn't leave because of the push-pull connection, which leads to an unhealthy one. Here are certain indicators that you have been benched. 

They are always busy.

  • Everybody has times in their lives when they are too busy to see each other. Whether it be obligations to one's family, job, or possibly social life. The pace of life is accelerating. How many articles urging us to strike a healthy work/life balance have been written?
  • We already know that being busy is common. However, a person who is too busy to maintain a connection shouldn't let someone linger. They ought to be truthful and say, “Hey, you know what? I simply don't have the time to dedicate at this moment.”

They call at odd times

  • Isn't it great when your lover texts you in the middle of the night? It is a sign that you are the last person on his mind as he drifts off to sleep.
  • But there's a problem if you just talk to each other sometimes. This implies that he has a second girlfriend or that he is out having fun during the 'regular' texting hours. He only thinks of you when he is bored, lonely, or alone and not with someone else.

They Alternate Between Being Hot and Cold

  • This man is all over you one second like a rash, then all you get is one-word responses. You ponder your actions. However, it's not your fault.
  • Simply said, they were out of people to talk to or anything to do for a couple of boring hours, so they thought of you. Isn't it flattering to think about it that way?

They disappear for several days or weeks.

  • It seems sensible for someone you start chatting to and who is interested in you to want to stay in touch. What gives with the periodic vanishing act?
  • A person who truly likes you won't think about the possibility that you could forget about them or go on. They'll want to be in your thoughts constantly. Benching is indicated by being MIA for several days or weeks.

Then they appear as though nothing is amiss.

  • It's one thing to vanish and ghost you, but it's quite another to come out of nowhere and act as if nothing ever happened. This might be considered a sort of gaslighting.
  • You get the impression from them that this behavior ought to be normal and tolerated. In other words, your emotions are meaningless. You should hang around till they make contact with you.

You're not sure about your position.

  • When someone gets benched in a relationship situation, it is quite challenging for them to know where they stand. a mix of hot and cold behavior, acts of disappearance, etc.
  • The problem is that you could genuinely like this person, so you continue to date them in the hopes that they'll behave differently. But they're keeping you in the lurch until someone better comes along, and that's precisely what they're doing to you.

They are online but not replying

  • When someone ignores your texts, it may be really annoying. But when you see that individual online, your annoyance increases. As a result, you are aware that they are on their phone and that everything seems good. Is trying to convince him to spend time with you like pulling teeth?
  • Understanding males on a much deeper emotional level is the key to finding a solution. With a few subtle comments, you might make to him, you can truly modify the main reason why men react in this way. Just by choosing not to engage you in conversation. You ponder how you could have offended them. Of course, it has nothing to do with you. They are actively seeking the ladies they believe to be superior to you.

They don't make commitments until the last minute.

  • Benchers like to have as many alternatives as possible. It's comparable to selecting which party to attend. They'll hold off until they learn who has the finest DJ, the most stunning setting, and the most famous people being photographed.
  • After that, they will decide. The same holds true for humans. What person do they like best? You are the alternative, the fall girl in instance any of the others don't work out. They will have a list of the candidates in the order of their choices.

They continue to break promises.

  • A guy who is benching you in the dating game detests not having any dates at all. He doesn't give a damn about keeping or breaking promises, though. He will therefore gladly plan a weekend getaway with you but reserve it for when a better opportunity presents itself.
  • He will just inform you that anything comes up when it does. He won't be bothered by the fact that you have plans and could have postponed meeting other people. All he worries about is how packed his date schedule is.

They read your messages, but they don't respond.

  • We can all know when a text has been received and read thanks to contemporary technology. Therefore, it is quite perplexing when you are certain that someone has read your message but is just not responding to you.
  • If you are dating someone who is benching, they will always read your messages. Why? They don't want to miss anything in the dating scene, after all. They continue to monitor you, but they aren't doing anything.

They Only Talk and Do Nothing

  • Do you notice that your date constantly talks up a good fight but never actually enters the ring? He may use cryptic language that makes you wonder, but he hasn't made any concrete promises.
  • Perhaps he mentioned spending the vacations with you and your family once, but when they arrived, he made no further mention of it. Or perhaps he spoke about taking a weekend getaway just the two of you. But once more, it never happened.

You Are Afraid Of Scaring Him Away

  • Open and honest communication between partners is essential to a healthy relationship. The key is communication. Having the ability to talk about issues and express your emotions, for instance. On the other side, you're being cautious because you think he'll back off entirely the second you act a little serious.
  • That is not how a relationship should be handled. Partners should be encouraging and supportive. They offer you the space to grow and the self-assurance to be your best. If you can't even communicate with him effectively, what does that say about him?

When you attempt to move on, they reappear.

  • So you determine for yourself that you deserve more, stop messaging him, and stop attempting to contact him. Then, all of a sudden, he emerges, apologizes profusely, and resumes his previous behavior.
  • Maybe you ought to give him another shot? He does appear to be really sorry for how he treated you, after all. Let's be clear about one thing right now. People like this could become a little worried if they sense that you are growing tired of them. They need someone on the flip side at all times, so they can't let it happen.

Nobody knows who you are.

  • If people are aware of you, it is the final and most obvious sign that you are benching in a relationship. Is there even one person who knows about you in his life?
  • If they don't, this poses significant problems. When we find someone new, we want the world to know how excited we are. We want acceptance from our closest relatives. We're curious about what our friends think. We must show off our brand-new romance.
  • Benching someone while dating is a cowardly strategy for keeping them off the hook in case a better match emerges. If you recognize any of the aforementioned indicators, you may have been benched. Keep in mind that you are not required to tolerate this kind of behavior.
  • Benching someone at a dance, online, or even through text messages is now a typical occurrence. Some people learn they were benched just after the fact when they learn the other person left with someone else. Others, however, continue despite having only a hazy concept since they have no other choice at the time. Recognize your value as a person, then resume dating. Benchers who are waiting for excellent backups are not always present. The next one could possibly be a real one; you never know.

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