8 Tips for Coping When Your Partner Is Unfaithful
It might be devastating to discover that your partner has been unfaithful. Your marriage could be thrown into a crisis that would destroy it.
It's normal to wonder why your partner cheated, but there's rarely an easy solution to why someone cheats. It could be a symptom of other issues in your marriage, something from your partner's history, or completely unconnected to you or your marriage. Whatever the cause, you'll have a lot of complicated sentiments to work through and a lot to consider as you decide how to proceed. These eight tips can help you cope with the aftermath of betrayal.
Accept Your Feelings
It is common to experience shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and disorientation. For a while, you'll probably feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster. It takes time to recover from the pain of an unfaithful partner. Even if you're attempting to forgive your partner and restore your marriage, don't expect the mixed feelings and mistrust to disappear. Your wedding has evolved, and it is natural for you to miss the relationship you once had.
Don't Seek Revenge
Being betrayed by a partner might make you angry. In your rage, your initial instinct may be to punish your mate by trash-talking him to friends (or worse, on social media) or to consider having an affair yourself to get revenge. These activities may provide a momentary sense of satisfaction, but they can eventually work against you, keeping you angry rather than focusing on healing and moving on, alone or together.
Think twice before telling your relatives. They will almost certainly have strong feelings about whether you should leave or stay. Nobody else understands what is going on in another person's marriage. It's preferable to keep the specifics hidden while you're deciding how to proceed.
Try to Take Care of Yourself
Stress can cause physical symptoms such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep issues (either too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat, or overeating. After the first shock has worn off, make an effort to consume healthy meals, stick to a schedule, sleep at regular times, get some exercise each day, drink lots of water, and, yes, have some fun.
Avoid the Blame Game
Blaming yourself, your partner, or a third person will not change anything and is a waste of time. If at all possible, avoid playing the victim or wallowing in self-pity. It will simply make you feel more helpless and self-conscious.
Keep Your Kids out of It
This is a private matter between you and your partner that should not involve your children. Even if you have decided to divorce, disclosing specifics about an affair would place your children in an impossible position, causing them anxiety, making them feel trapped in the middle, and forcing them to choose sides.
Seek Counselling
Don't try to deal with unfaithfulness on your own. Before you decide whether or not to dissolve your marriage, it's a good idea to consult with a couple's counselor, who will be objective and can help you understand what happened. You may ask inquiries and express your feelings to your spouse without losing calm.
A skilled therapist can assist you in better communicating and processing feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you may be experiencing. If you decide to end the marriage, you will know that you did everything you could to make it work.
Get Practical
If you feel that the affair will most likely terminate your marriage, consider practical things like where you will live, if you have enough money to cover your basics, and, if you have children, the type of custody arrangement you prefer. You should also consider having your spouse tested for STDs, as well as yourself, if you had sex during or after the affair.
Take It One Day at a Time
Infidelity is one of the most difficult obstacles a marriage can endure, but it does not always spell the end of the relationship. As you work through the aftermath, it will become evident how to proceed so that the next phase of your life, whether together or separately, can begin.