Why You Keep Avoiding What You Actually Want
We don’t avoid goals because we’re lazy—we avoid them because they feel unsafe. Fear hides under “later,” “research,” and “I need to be ready.” Here’s how to name the fear, calm your body, and take the smallest honest step forward.
Spot the Disguises of Fear
- Perfectionism: “If it can’t be great, why start?” → Start ugly on purpose.
- Over-prep: Endless tutorials with no tries → Learn for 20 min, do for 10.
- Busyness cosplay: Low-impact tasks that feel productive → Pick one needle mover.
- Identity panic: “What if I’m not that person?” → You become them by acting like them.
Regulate First, Then Act
- 3 physiological sighs (inhale, top-up inhale, long exhale).
- Name it: “A part of me is scared; another part can try for 10 minutes.”
- Body cue: feet on floor, unclench jaw, shoulders down.
The 10-Minute Courage Loop
- Set a 10-minute timer.
- Do the next visible step (open doc, sketch outline, email one person).
- Close the loop: write one sentence of what you did + next tiny step.
- Reward: water, sun, or song. Tell your brain effort = care.
Make Desire Safer
- Public-lite: Share progress with one friend, not the internet.
- Sandbox: Practice under a working title; rename later.
- Proof list: Collect small wins in a note—evidence beats anxiety.
Anti-Avoidance Toolkit
- Two-tier days: Tier A = Top 1 must; Tier B = nice to have.
- Friction cuts: Lay out tools the night before; block distracting sites for 30–60 minutes.
- Accountability: 15-min co-working call or study room.
Scripts for Your Inner Critic
- “We can be beginners and safe at the same time.”
- “Ten messy minutes won’t ruin anything.”
- “I’ll decide after trying, not before.”
Final Thoughts
Desire asks for small bravery, repeated. Calm your body, choose one visible action, and let reality—not fear—teach you who you are.
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