You Don’t Need to Forgive to Heal
By Shree
For years, we’ve been told that forgiveness is the only way to heal. The narrative is repeated in books, religion, therapy, and everyday advice: “If you don’t forgive, you’ll never be free.” But what if that isn’t your truth? What if holding space for your pain, rather than forgiving the one who caused it, is the path to freedom?
Forgiveness as a Social Expectation
Society often frames forgiveness as a moral high ground. To forgive is to be virtuous, compassionate, and “the bigger person.” But this narrative ignores an important truth: forcing forgiveness before you are ready—or when it doesn’t feel authentic—can actually deepen the wound rather than heal it.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean excusing. And it certainly doesn’t mean giving someone access to your life again. Healing is about reclaiming your sense of safety and worth.
Why Forgiveness May Not Work for Everyone
- It can invalidate pain: Jumping to forgiveness may silence your need to process what really happened.
- It places responsibility back on you: You’re told to forgive so you can feel better, rather than holding the person accountable.
- It may reopen unsafe doors: In abusive or toxic relationships, forgiving can blur boundaries and pull you back into harm.
Healing Without Forgiveness
There are many ways to heal that don’t involve forgiving someone who hurt you:
- Allow yourself to grieve and name your pain without minimising it.
- Seek therapy, journaling, or safe spaces where your story can be validated.
- Create boundaries that protect your mental and emotional space.
- Focus on building joy, safety, and new connections that nourish you.
Sometimes, healing looks like indifference—when the person who once hurt you no longer controls your thoughts. Sometimes, it looks like peace in silence. And sometimes, it looks like moving forward without offering closure to anyone but yourself.
The Freedom of Choosing Yourself
When you let go of the obligation to forgive, you free yourself. You no longer chase healing through someone else’s behaviour—you create it within yourself. Your healing belongs to you. Whether or not you forgive doesn’t make you more or less “good.” It makes you human.
Remember: You don’t need to forgive to heal. You need to choose yourself.
✨ Related reads you might like:
Choosing Yourself Isn’t Selfish |
You’re Not Broken—You’re Just Feeling Too Much
Labels: Healing, Forgiveness, Mental Health
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