We’ve all heard it: “Just chill.” Maybe in the middle of an argument, maybe after expressing stress, maybe when you’re trying to be vulnerable. While it might sound harmless on the surface, for many people, this phrase feels dismissive. Instead of calming, it stings—like being told your emotions are too much, unnecessary, or wrong. That’s the hidden weight of emotional invalidation.
What Is Emotional Invalidation?
Emotional invalidation happens when someone minimises, rejects, or ignores another person’s feelings. It can come in many forms:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “It’s not that serious.”
- “Just get over it.”
- “Stop being so sensitive.”
While sometimes said with good intentions, these phrases shut down emotional expression rather than creating understanding.
Why “Just Chill” Hurts
When someone says “just chill,” it often communicates that your feelings are inconvenient or invalid. Here’s why it can feel like an attack:
- Dismissal of emotion: It suggests your feelings aren’t worth acknowledging.
- Blame-shifting: The focus moves from the situation to your reaction, making you feel at fault.
- Loss of safety: Instead of feeling heard, you may feel silenced.
- Triggered insecurity: Especially if you’ve experienced emotional invalidation in the past, this phrase can reopen old wounds.
The Psychological Impact
Repeated emotional invalidation has lasting effects. Studies show it can lead to:
- Lower self-esteem and self-trust.
- Heightened anxiety and emotional suppression.
- Difficulty expressing emotions in relationships.
- Increased conflict due to bottled-up feelings.
How to Recognise Invalidation in Everyday Life
It’s not always obvious. Emotional invalidation can be subtle, such as someone changing the subject when you share feelings or giving advice instead of listening. Pay attention to how you feel after opening up—if you feel smaller, unheard, or silly, you may have been invalidated.
Healthy Ways to Respond
When “just chill” feels like an attack, you don’t have to stay silent. Here are practical responses:
- Pause before reacting: Take a breath. Responding calmly maintains your power.
- Clarify your need: Try saying, “I’m not asking you to fix this, I just need you to listen.”
- Set boundaries: Let people know that dismissive phrases aren’t helpful.
- Choose your audience: Share your feelings with people who respect them.
- Validate yourself: Remind yourself that your emotions are real and worthy, even if others don’t affirm them.
Practising Emotional Validation
On the flip side, we can learn to validate others’ emotions. Simple responses like:
- “I hear you.”
- “That sounds really tough.”
- “I can see why you’d feel that way.”
These small acknowledgments build trust and connection, instead of shutting people down.
Conclusion: Validation Builds Peace
“Just chill” may seem harmless, but when it dismisses genuine feelings, it can feel like an attack. By recognising emotional invalidation, protecting boundaries, and practising validation, we can create healthier, more respectful connections. Remember: your emotions don’t need permission to exist—they are valid simply because they are yours.
Related Reads on Ichhori.com
- Self‐Acceptance: Embrace Your Whole Self
- The Power of Vulnerability: How Showing Up Truly Heals
- Mindful Living Practices to Stay Grounded
- Cultivating a Growth Mindset: Beyond Comfort Zones
Your feelings matter. Don’t let “just chill” convince you otherwise.