Ghosting- so it looks like this is the new normal in dating
Imagine you met a boy you liked, and that boy liked you back. You start talking to him and going on dates with him. There is a mutual attraction. Or did you think so? Because just as you think of taking the next step, this boy stops all communication with you. He stops texting you, stops picking up your calls, and does not return them. Without any reason or explanation, you are stranded and unsure of what to do. You'll be crushed and left wondering if it was something you did wrong. And just like that, you'll never hear from that boy again. This awful experience is something that is common in today's dating world. And it has a name: Ghosting.
This way of dumping someone is not new; it is just as old as dating itself. It’s just that it has a name now and, unfortunately, has become very common. Today, the majority of dating is now done online. So, ghosting someone is easier now. Apparently, telling someone that you are not interested in them has become complicated.
If it ever happens to you or has happened to you, naturally you will feel hurt and angry. You want to lash out at that boy, and you want to know the reason why. This is obvious because you invested your time and feelings in him. What hurts the most is that ghosting gives no closure. In a normal break-up, no matter how harsh, at least you get closure sooner or later. And that closure comes from the fact that you know why that relationship ended. In ghosting, you are left with your imagination without any conclusive reason for the breakup.
How to respond to ghosting?
So, how do you respond to the guy who has ghosted you? Either you can take the high road and stop all communication with him, or you can send him a barrage of texts demanding an explanation. I am not judging someone for the latter reaction; it is their right to know. However, if you know that the relationship between you two will not work out, then it is best to let go. Because no matter what, they will not unghost you.
So stop putting your time and energy into this futile thing. Remember to always keep your dignity higher than any boy, and respond in a way that keeps your dignity intact. Here are the ways in which you can respond to ghosting:
This traumatic experience may leave you in denial. You may think that he must be busy and will respond shortly. You start making excuses for him, convincing yourself that there is nothing wrong. Alas, that is not the case.
Snap yourself out of the denial and accept the fact that he is not going to respond to your calls and messages. So, you should stop with those. When you have accepted it only then you can respond to ghosting.
As they say, accepting that something bad has happened is the first step in healing. Accept the fact he was not the person who you thought he was. It is natural you’ll be angry and hurt. The important thing here is to not push your feelings down. Allow yourself to grieve.
The anger and pain you are feeling can be quite unnerving and unsettling. The person with whom you thought you had something is gone. Out of the blue, he stops all the communication. Of course, you are frustrated. But you should not let these emotions overtake you.
Calm yourself down. Give yourself space to process the ghosting. Because if you are angry you may write something, that you’ll regret later. Do not take any drastic steps without thinking properly.
So, it is better to cool yourself and think with a calm mind your next step.
Whenever someone breakup with us, we tend to think that there must be something wrong with us. However, that is far from the truth. There may be numerous reasons for it. But we have the tendency to find fault in ourselves. So when that boy ghosts you, you should not start finding fault in yourself.
No matter what, never blame yourself. Thinking that you could have done something differently and they will be still in your life. If someone wants to leave, they’ll leave, despite you doing everything right.
It is not your fault that they did not have the decency to say that they want to end things between you. Do not give them the benefit of doubt. That is the last thing they deserve. Sooner you realise that it is not your mistake then sooner you’ll be able to let it go.
Letting go of something so awful as ghosting is hard. You may feel this constant urge to text him, asking himto take you back or begging for some answers. No matter how strong your urge is you should keep it down. Remember, your dignity and self-respect should always be higher than any boys.
Even if he comes back in your life and wants to connect with you, do not go running back to him. Give him the taste of his own medicine, act indifferent and aloof. There is no need to respond to his texts at all.
These boys do not deserve your attention at all. Whose to say they will not repeat the same thing again.
The best way to forget a horrible experience is to remove it’s reminder from your life. Do not keep anything related to it. Similarly, you can forget about ghosting by completely removing that guy from your life. Do not keep anything to remember him by.
You can start by losing his number, removing him from all your social media, deleting all the messages, and pictures. I know you’ll not forget automatically by deleting all the things. But it can be the first step in the right direction. And maybe you’ll come out of that trauma sooner than later.
If anything else is not working and you are dying to know the reason why he ghosted you. If you are yearning for closure from this chapter. Then you can send him a single carefully worded text asking why he did what he did.
If he responds then it is good, you can finally have an answer. In response do not beg him, just bid adieu and never ever text him again.
If he does not respond then do not keep waiting by your mobile. Do not keep your hope up that he might still respond. And do not text him again and again. After all,why this time will be any different. Accept it that he’ll not text you back and move on.
Talking about your grief allows you to feel everything deeply. Confide in someone you trust. They’ll give your perspective on the situation if you want it and maybe it’ll help you in seeing everything in a new light.
Maybe they’ll point out the red flags that you have been avoiding. And if nothing else you’ll find a good support system in them. After all, sharing your pain makes the heart light and reassures you that you are not alone.
There is a saying “ It’s no use crying over a spilt milk”. It means that there is no point in crying over what has happened and which cannot be changed. So you should not spend most of your time crying over someone whodoes not even have the basic courtesy of ending things by communicating.
Instead, you should be grateful that such a toxic man is out of your life. Otherwise, if he would have stayed you would end up in a toxic relationship.
Maybe there is a silver lining in every cloud, depending on how you see it.
Keep yourself busy as much as you can. An idle mind tends to overthink things. And usually overthinking leads to sadness and anxiety. So, it is better to find any new activity to do.
Take up some new courses, learn a new language, join a book club, or learn to cook some new dishes. Whatever floats your boat. The new activity will divert your mind and you may slowly start feeling better.
Do not wallow too long. You should go out and meet new people. Do not assume that everyone will be the same. There are good honest guys out there. And, if you do not put yourself out there you’ll loose out on many such good guys.
You may think that if you start dating then it will hurt you again, and there is nothing wrong in thinking that. In fact, there is no guarantee that you will not be hurt again.Maybe you will or maybe not. But by not dating anyone you’ll never know that for sure. So, take that chances and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Who knows maybe you’ll meet a decent, honest guy with whom you can take that next step.
Ghosting is this awful and traumatic experience, I wish no one has to go through. Breakup’s are hard as it is, but when someone breaks up with you by ghosting you, it is another level of painfulness. But if you ever go through it remember to not lose your self-respect by begging him to take you back. You can ask for an explanation, but do know when it is the right time to let go and move on to better things.
Total number of words: 1646
References: https://www.bonobology.com/how-to-respond-to-ghosting-without-losing-your-sanity/
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.yourtango.com/heartbreak/how-to-respond-ghosting%3famp