8 Ways to Overcome Loneliness in Your Relationship
It is completely normal to feel lonely from time to time, even when there are other people around. Whether at work, in social settings, or a romantic relationship, loneliness has a tendency to creep in.
When you're surrounded by people, how can you feel lonely?
Loneliness can stem from a number of factors. It's not always about what's going on with others, but rather what's going on inside. Mental isolation is just as detrimental as physical isolation when it comes to loneliness. It's incredibly common to feel lonely in the most intimate relationships, especially romantic ones.
You or your partner may be experiencing loneliness in the relationship if you or they exhibit the following signs:
- There is a decrease in intimacy, both physical and emotional
- Getting more distant
- You don't feel appreciated or supported even when you're together
- Increasing screen time, especially on social media
- You or your partner may avoid having conversation
- Showing a lack of warmth or concern
- Date nights don't interest you
- And, emotionally you may seem disengaged and uninterested most of the time
The feeling of loneliness in a relationship doesn't just happen overnight. In most cases, there are underlying issues at play that slowly wear down relationship satisfaction, leaving you lonely and emotionally drained. Maybe you don't feel heard, loved, or appreciated, or you're concerned about lack of sex. If you feel you're the only one who puts effort into your relationship, or you're afraid to bring up issues with your partner, you may feel like you're the only one putting in the effort. In the end, you might just be with the wrong person.
Is there a silver lining? There are ways to move forward. Below are eight ways to overcome loneliness in a relationship:
1.Communication Improvement
Bringing up your loneliness to your partner can be difficult when you're feeling lonely. What can you say when you're right there with them? Despite how difficult it may seem, telling your partner how you feel is incredibly important. Putting your emotions into words is the only way to ensure they understand. Decide together how to address the issues in a clear, direct, and honest manner.
Scheduling regular "check-ins" can keep you on the same page if you decide the relationship can be improved. Each week or month, take time to talk openly about your satisfaction with the relationship so that one or both of you won't feel burdened with unwanted emotions.
2. Identify the changes in the relationship
Consider what might have changed in your relationship that is causing you to feel lonely. Where are you feeling disconnected? Does raising kids or managing finances cause you to feel lonely? Do you often skip date nights because you don't prioritize the relationship anymore? Have you noticed that you don't talk to each other as much as you used to? You need to determine what has changed and how it has affected your relationship before you can move forward.
3. Schedule Intimacy
We're not just talking about sex here! Make time for intimacy every week, even if it's just for an hour: watch a movie while holding hands, give each other a massage, have an old-fashioned make-out session or reminisce about a memory you shared together. Making time to reconnect emotionally and physically can help quell feelings of loneliness and reignite the spark that's been lost.
4. Plan a Trip Together
Is there anything better than a romantic getaway to reconnect? Have a staycation in a nearby hotel, recreate one of your first vacations, or visit somewhere new. A change of scenery can sometimes be the best way to get out of a rut. Even the mundane happenings in everyday life can seem monotonous, which contributes to loneliness.
Try planning a night out together instead of a trip if a trip isn't in the budget. Attend a comedy show, grab a drink at the bar, or go to dinner. Take some time to focus on each other and enjoy each other's company, play catch up, and remember what it is you love about each other.
5. Learn More About Your Love Languages
Gary Chapman, Ph.D. developed the concept of love languages (which refers to the five basic ways that people want to receive love). Acts of service, physical touch, giving and receiving gifts, quality time, and words of affirmation are among the five love languages.
When your love language is acts of service, you might prefer that your partner does a chore you can't stand as a way to show you, love. When it comes to words of affirmation, you might wish your partner to write you a love note or send you a loving text during the day. By learning each other's love languages, you can make a significant difference in how you show appreciation for each other, and you can improve your relationship significantly.
6.Prioritize Self-Care
Sometimes, in order to improve the world around us, we need to look inward. Consider connecting with friends and family, trying a new exercise routine, eating healthier foods, or journaling about any emotions you are experiencing. Making yourself happy, instead of relying on your partner, can be the key to kicking loneliness to the curb. In the end, you must first be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.
7. Talk to a Professional
Engaging a couples therapist or relationship coach is not a sign of failure - quite the opposite! Choosing to seek help from an expert is a sign you're serious about making the relationship work. Remember that they've seen it all and are ready to help you work through your loneliness.
You can always download a relationship coaching app like Relish if you don't like in-person therapy. You receive quizzes and lessons tailored to your needs that have been approved by your therapist. From your phone, you can message real, expert relationship coaches at any time.
8. Know When to End the Relationship
Occasionally feeling lonely in a relationship is normal, but it may also mean the end is near. Pay attention to how your partner responds to your concerns to determine if a breakup is necessary. It might be time to move on if you have expressed your feelings but don't feel they are willing to help.
However, avoiding the effort needed to improve the relationship is also a sign that you aren't with the right person. I believe working through loneliness is absolutely possible, but only if you both do everything you can to identify, address, and improve the problem.
While loneliness in a relationship can be devastating, it isn't necessarily a cause for concern. Life can get hectic, forcing you to shift your focus away from your relationship. Being honest with yourself and your partner can help you erase feelings of loneliness and replace them with feelings of love, support, and appreciation.