How Much Sex Do You 'Should' Have?

ichhori team

How much sex should you have in a relationship? Here’s what’s normal, healthy, and how to talk about mismatched libidos without shame. 

Is one of the most Googled questions in the dating world. Why? Because no one wants to feel like they’re doing it “wrong.”

Whether you’re six months into dating or ten years into marriage, sex frequency matters—but not the way you think. Here’s what’s healthy, what’s normal, and how to find a rhythm that works for both of you.

First: There is no magic number

Forget what TikTok, Reddit, or Instagram says. Some couples have sex daily. Some weekly. Some monthly. Some rarely—and still feel fulfilled.

What matters more than frequency is:

  • Mutual satisfaction
  • Emotional intimacy
  • Open communication

If both of you feel connected and content, you’re doing just fine.

What do the stats say?

  • The average American couple has sex 1–2 times per week (Kinsey Institute)
  • Couples in their 20s tend to have sex ~112 times/year
  • Couples in their 40s drop to ~69 times/year
  • Only 38% of people are satisfied with how often they’re having sex

So “normal”? It’s mostly guesswork. Every couple is different.

What impacts sexual frequency?

These factors can shift how often couples have sex:

  • Stress levels
  • Sleep and health
  • Work-life balance
  • Kids or caregiving responsibilities
  • Relationship stage
  • Hormonal changes
  • Emotional connection (or lack thereof)

Translation: life happens. Don’t compare your rhythm to anyone else’s highlight reel.

How to talk about mismatched sex drives

If one of you wants more sex than the other, it’s time for a loving, shame-free chat. Try this:

  • “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected physically—can we talk about what we both need?”
  • “What does intimacy look like for you these days?”
  • “How do you feel about our physical connection lately?”

It’s not about blame. It’s about tuning in—not checking out.

What if you’re not having sex at all?

Sexless relationships are more common than you think. Defined as fewer than 10 sexual encounters per year, they affect around 15–20% of long-term couples.

But that doesn’t always mean disaster. Some couples report deep emotional closeness and don’t feel the need for frequent sex.

Still, if one person is feeling rejected or resentful, that gap needs attention.

Mid-article ichhori reads:

How to rekindle intimacy when sex has slowed down

  • Start with non-sexual touch (cuddling, holding hands, kisses)
  • Schedule sex—yes, really. Intentional time creates space for intimacy
  • Talk about what turns you on—don’t assume your partner knows
  • Reduce tech and screen time in bed
  • Seek couples counselling if resentment has built up

Don’t wait for desire to magically return. Create conditions that allow it to grow.

How often do happy couples have sex?

Research from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology shows that couples who have sex once a week report the highest overall satisfaction. More frequent sex doesn’t necessarily mean more happiness.

It’s about quality of connection—not just quantity of acts.

Signs you’re sexually compatible—even if frequency is different

  • You can talk about sex without shame or awkwardness
  • You’re open to compromise without pressure
  • There’s trust around “no” and respect for consent
  • You’re both willing to grow, try, and adapt

Compatibility isn’t perfect alignment. It’s shared curiosity and mutual care.

What to do if your libidos are totally mismatched

This is where communication becomes vital. Consider:

  • Are you emotionally disconnected?
  • Is one partner stressed, ill, or depressed?
  • Is it a phase—or a pattern?

You may want to explore:

  • Therapy (individual or couple)
  • Medical checkups (hormonal issues, medication side effects)
  • Redefining intimacy beyond intercourse

If sex is a recurring pain point, professional help can reset the dynamic.

Most Googled questions in 2025:

  • “Is once a week enough sex in a relationship?”
  • “Why don’t I want sex anymore with my partner?”
  • “Can a relationship survive without sex?”
  • “How to increase sexual desire in long-term relationships?”

20 External Resources on Sex, Intimacy & Frequency

More ichhori articles on love & connection:

How much sex should you have in a relationship isn’t about a weekly quota. It’s about trust, safety, and shared curiosity. Talk about it. Honour it. Rewrite the rules—together.

أحدث أقدم