I AM GOING TO HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE AFTER BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR FOUR YEARS, HOW SHOULD I ACCEPT MY NEW PARTNER?
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The book by John Gray, “Men are from mars and women are from Venus” is an entire bible classifying the traits of both Genders lucidly. This New York bestseller book takes us on a tour covering all the aspects one needs to know about the opposite gender. Most of the serious topics are covered in a glee manner in this book, which helps both the genders understand, implement and become gender tolerant.
Men and women differ not only in physical aspects but also in psychological, emotional, and physiological aspects. Men usually tend to go inside their caves when they face an issue and usually refrain from opening up. Whereas women tend to indulge in other’ problem or pain to overcome their own problems. Men usually avoid sharing certain things until and unless it is very necessary. Women already have an intimate group of people where she pours their entire day. Men do not compare their love life with others, they remain happy, content, and satisfied. Women believe in getting one step ahead of their Instagram followers to showcase how much she is loved by their partner.
That feeling of butterflies in the stomach increased heart rate, and sleeplessness has been felt by each one of us. It occurs from the teenage till the day we survive. In scientific terms, it is tagged as an Adrenaline rush and in layman’s terms, it is Love. This feeling brings people to cloud nine and makes everything look perfect and beautiful around them. Love does not occur overnight; it’s not like you’ve seen fault in our stars or the notebook that you realize suddenly you are in love. It is a process; slow, full of patience, affection, and care.
Love sees no boundaries, it can occur between opposite genders and even the same genders. Accepting and appreciating each other’s feelings is the biggest sign of being in love. Many series and movies have raised the standards of love. According to them, the declaration of the three magical words only marks being in love. It is not always necessary to utter the three words and confess love for the other side. For example, we never say these three words to our parents until and unless we want a pocket-money raise or permission for a night out or a trip. This does not mean we do not love them; it exists but isn’t uttered.
Love is a mutual feeling and begins with affection. It is not a compulsion or rule that everyone has to follow. When both individuals show affection, care, trust, and belief; a bond is formed. To keep the bond alive, regular communication, lunch or dinner plans, FaceTime is a long distance, etc. helps. Even the smallest efforts count when a bond exists between two individuals. Being in love does not mean giving up individuality and following the things your beloved says. Love means assuring freedom of speech and expression to both partners equally.
Both partners are in love when they confess their love for each other without any pressure and high expectations. Usually, the female counterpart is more emotional and sensitive in matters of love, friendship, and relationship. Everything gets very easily affected by women more than men. They tend to create their own world of fantasies and dreams for the partner that will arrive or has arrived. Men usually like to keep it simple and sophisticated.
I experienced all of this when I came across an article on the ICHHORI website about love. Indeed, I was in one at that time, but everything changed in a fraction of time. I and Veer met at a college function back in 2016. I was rushing and running through the corridors and he was watching me do it. He tried to meet me, but I was on a bullet train back then. Fewer friends, more participation in college events, and back to the hostel, these were the itineraries I used to follow. One fine day, with all courage and might, Veer stopped me in the corridors just to say Hi!!! He knew my class, my timetables, and my routine. All these days he was doing his homework so that he could meet in a college corridor.
The Hi turned eventually in number exchanges, catching up after college and coffee. My roommates were eager to know what made my routine change and keep me awake till midnight. But I was sure that I got a good friend in Veer and he was sure that he had found the love of his life in me. It took less than a month for him to propose to me, but I was still unsure how in such less time can one be so sure and confident about love. I did enjoy his company, I waited for his calls and texts, and I did get annoyed when he did not show up on time, but I needed time to figure out the love that I read about in books and novels and articles.
Veer was patient enough to give me time, space, and freedom of expression. No pressure or burden was ever created by him regarding this topic. Everything went in a smooth flow until one day my friend lost her dad. The moment was heart-breaking as we saw her shatter and cry so badly, the once strong, bold woman was lying with tears around her. That moment struck me that I really can’t lose this guy, who has so much faith, care, and love for me. Even though we met a few months back, I was attached to him, his calls, his messages, his surprise visits, his food voyages, and his hot chocolate dates.
It was 2 in the morning that day when I called and confessed my love for him, totally in deep sleep he did not answer the 4 calls, and suddenly his roommate picked up his phone and woke him up. After a few questions and answers on calling this late and checking on me that I was alright, I made a promise to him to stay forever. Our whole group gathered the next day to celebrate our promise, love, and commitment. Even though after graduation, we both resided in our hometowns, we had long-distance, regular phone calls and messages did prevail.
One fine day, Veer came up with the idea to settle and get married. I was awestruck, I was happy beneath but I had to still achieve a lot of things in life before changing my surname. His surety made me believe, that I’ll work and follow my passion even after getting married. The formal talks at our respective households occurred which were initiated by me and veer. My parents were shocked, taken aback, and disappointed by my decision. They were staunch about getting married in the same caste as we belonged to and veer was from a different caste.
After a lot of convincing, crying, and tantrums also they did not agree with my decision and on the other hand, veer was not ready to wait any longer. The once patient and always supportive guy now changed colors and wanted to get married hook or crook. I was sure that I’ll get married at a place where my parents are happy and content, not under any pressure or disappointment. After four years of relationship, I and Veer parted ways. The journey was heart-breaking and unexpected, but we both had to accept the fact and move on.
The arranged marriage culture started popping up recently at my house, I had no choice but to meet strangers and be open to whatever was coming. I was scared, unsure, and in dilemma with all the changes. I knew as a woman in her 25s and in Indian society, I didn’t have many choices, to delay, or give reasons for rejections. One fine Saturday, my uncle set a meeting with a guy named Rihaan, an engineer, in his 25’s, well-settled, and with good family background. He said a yes immediately after the meeting ended, and now the wait for an answer was on me. Things I decided to go with this arranged marriage –
· Talk it out – you have to move on in life with a trauma or a treatment. Everything will pass with either a lot of effort or with ease. I had to give someone a chance before it was too late to get a partner. Either talk it out or live with it. If you think it is ok to share your past story with your partner, go for it or else dig it deep and start afresh.
· Never compare – the past will remain past. Now when a new beginning is awaiting, go with a fresh start, embracing new things and new experiences. If you compare your present with your past, you’ll never be happy.
· Think about the future – spending the rest of your life with a stranger is difficult and at times can be very scary. But you have to give a chance to your partner to make effort and you as well have to make efforts in an arranged marriage.
Life can have many turning points; good, bad, etc. It seems a little bit easier when you have a partner to share with. I could never move on from the past completely but I never did injustice with my present and future.