I didn’t like my Online Date. What should I do?

 “I didn’t like my Online Date. What should I do?”


Online dating is the best invention the world has ever had. Consider this: it is very much similar to shopping online. You look through profiles before you find someone you’re interested in and strike up a conversation with them. With any luck, they will like you back, and you’ll be able to start a new life filled with love, and romance. Sounds great doesn’t it? On pen and paper though. In truth, it is a pain to date online. It is like the game we play at fairs where you shoot at a row of ducks. Hit or miss! It can be arduous and exhausting, hundreds of internet dates, navigating the many dating websites out there, countless blunders, dumb videos and photos. Worse case scenario, you meet someone online that you don’t really like. So what do you do when that happens?


Why Online Dates fail?




According to a recent study in intimate relationships, online dates involve getting to know one another over time, and it turns out their initially nice notions turn sour. Inflated expectations, according to researchers, will lead to big disappointments when the two meet in person. When a fault is noticed, the whole date becomes ruined. 

According to Michael Norton of Harvard Business School, the phenomenon of fantasies fading away with experience affects women more than men. He says that women are much more disappointed on online dates than men. He claims that women value virtual dating than men because they are looking for a “soulmate”, while men are looking for a more casual fling. He adds, that the more one learns about a lover, the less inclined he/she will click and get along with them.

Online profiles inherently offer limited pictures of individuals, a degree of ambiguity that, fuels romantic fantasies. People see these profiles and tend to fantasize the kind of people they will be. But when they first meet in person, they discover that he is much like everyone else. They are once again disheartened.

Reasons women dislike their Online Dates

The success of online dating is fueled by a number of factors, one of which is time. Online dating offers a viable alternative to a serious issue. Browsing profiles takes a fraction of the time and is much less intimidating than interacting with individuals in a group setting. According to research, 1 out of 5 relationships nowadays sparks online. Around 70% of the world population would have found their significant other via online by 2040, according to estimates. However, the issue with many online dating apps is that they do not really work.


1.False info on their dating profiles

People are more likely to lie in their online profiles than to be completely truthful. Women allegedly lie more than men, with the most prominent deceptions involving appearances. About a quarter of women shared pictures of themselves when they were younger. Men’s most famous lies concerned their financial status, namely they had a better career than they actually did. More than 40% of men said they had done so.


2.Men imply that they’re only interested in sex

One of the major drawbacks of online dating for women is that, while there are plenty of real relationship-seeking men on the dating sites, there are still many guys looking for a good time. Although most people believe that men are more willing for sex than women on average, it seems that many men assume that if a woman has an online dating profile, she wants to sleep with strangers. 


3.Dealing with scams on the Internet

Unscrupulous merchants are abound on the Internet, looking to deceive you of your money in whatever way they can. There are literally hundreds of online scams, but do some homework before handing over your financial information. In particular, you should be careful of individuals, organisations or agency requesting some sort of financial or personal information. If you don’t trust the user, don’t send out your home phone number, address, or personal email address. Drive yourself to the date, your date doesn’t have to know your address. 

What to do if you don’t like your Online Date

Sometimes you might not like the person you meet online. That’s normal, but there are some good and bad ways to inform the person. While it may be very easy to ghost the person online, it can cause damage to the person, emotionally as well as psychologically. Do not, under any circumstance, ghost them.

Meeting someone on a dating app, will definitely make you anxious and hoping the person you meet likes you and you come off well. It’s exciting, yet terrifying. Then there is the possibility that you won’t like them, which is a whole different story. When you arrive on a first date and realise there is no chemistry, it can be extremely uncomfortable. It is much harder when you know they like you but you don’t like them back. And if this occurs, remind yourself that you’re interacting with another human being. (Erika Ettin)

Some people regard the people they meet online as lesser, but it is important to note that they too are still people. Many a times people cancel at the last-minute, are unreliable, and arrive late. Do keep in mind that the other person has emotions as well. They are still real people who make the time to see you. Even then, just because you’re not feeling anything doesn’t mean the meeting was a waste of time. Take it as an opportunity towards something else, even better. You may learn something from one another, form a business partnership, or become friends. Perhaps you realise you could set them up with your friends.

1.Be honest

Eventually, if you’re not into him, it’s best to be honest. It is better to do so because it’s clear that neither of you are drawn to each other. Though, it’s not a good thing to say it within the first five minutes. When someone opens up to you and asks you out again, then you must be honest with your feelings. The worst thing you can do is ghost the person. When you stop texting and responding to phone calls, the other person assumes you’ve disappeared. Ghosting is a cowardly action. As a result, don’t leave any space for misinterpretation. Speak up if you feel a spark. If you don’t feel anything, it’s fine to say it as well.


2.Don’t judge too quickly

Instead of backing away because you find the person unattractive at first, allow yourself the opportunity to get to know them. Dating someone you don’t like would not only allow you to find the man of your dreams, but it could also lead to discovery of a beautiful friendship. 


3.Take time to appreciate the things you have in common

If you have similar passions, views and ideals, you will really enjoy his company. Do something you both like or discuss the ideals and beliefs you both hold dear.


4. Pay heed to how they make you feel

Recall how your ex made you feel like you were the worst. Concentrate on how you act around this new guy you don’t like. Put your feelings about him aside and reflect on how he makes you feel about yourself.


5.Reflect on your future

Is it possible that you will spend the rest of your life with this person? Forget about attraction for a moment, since attraction is just a fleeting emotion. It’s possible to have fun dating someone you don’t like, and that’s what matters in a relationship - having fun while being with someone.


6.Always stay true to yourself

Make a list of the person’s undesirable characteristics to see how they can be changed or improved. Hygiene and fashion are things that can be easily learned and improved, but if the majority of bad characteristics are related to his personality and beliefs, then you do not want to pursue a relationship with him.


7.Be flexible and spontaneous

You may have your own insecurities, which is why the values you want in a person are difficult to achieve. Keep in mind that not all you meet will possess all of the characteristics you desire, but they will possess positive attributes that will make you happier in the long run. 


8.Don’t be too harsh and critical

Instead of focusing on a person’s shortcomings, consider their positive attributes. This would also train the brain to concentrate on the positive rather on the negative. Maybe his humour, wit, intellect and chivalry are enough to make you fall in love with him.

In the end, it’s entirely up to you whether or not you give someone you’re not really interested in a chance. There are many good reasons to keep an open mind, including the fact that you never know who could end up being the right fit for you, and chemistry will develop over time. However, if your mind and heart is warning you that something isn’t right, that this isn’t for you, then trust it and respect your gut feeling. 


Sources:

  1. https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/6-proven-ways-succeed-with-online-dating.html#:~:text=First%20date%20dos%20and%20don'ts&text=Act%20like%20it's%20the%20second,it's%20only%20a%20quick%20meet).

  2. https://www.livescience.com/4348-online-dating-fails.html

  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mating-game/201609/the-ugly-truth-about-online-dating

  4. https://www.elitedaily.com/p/should-you-go-on-a-date-with-someone-youre-not-into-heres-what-experts-say-12575284

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