What's your dating style?

 What’s your dating style?

What's your dating style?_ichhori.com

Multiple of us harbour different approaches to lovemaking and romantic connections, largely grounded on our preconceived notions of how we think things should unfold. Occasionally, adhering too nearly to these dating styles can be limiting, but according to a lovemaking expert, understanding the various tendencies allows us to better understand ourselves and potential better halves and perhaps communicate more effectively as a result. 
During the most recent episode of The Well Good Podcast, a behavioural scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury, author of How To Not Die Alone and director of connections at Hinge, outlined the three lovemaking tendencies she developed the maximizer, the hesitator, and the romanticizer. 
"The core idea is that multiple of the people I work with suffer from unrealistic expectations," she said during the podcast. “And then I categorize them based on that unrealistic expectation. “The idea is that the framework of tendencies (or dating styles) can help folks better understand themselves and certain lovemaking perspectives they hold that may not serve them, as a means to improve their lovemaking life. 
Read on to learn about Ury’s three lovemaking tendencies, how each can be restricted, and how she recommends folks overcome those limitations. (And to find your lovemaking tendency, take Ury’s lovemaking tendency quiz.) 
Three dating styles people commonly fall into, according to Hinge’s director of connections 

1. The maximizer 

These folks “ have unrealistic expectations of their better half,” Ury says. This might look like someone wishing that their better half were more ambitious or that they shared more interests. “ They have this idea that if you just keep researching and keep dating different people, eventually you'll find the perfect person,” she adds. 
Maximizers believe that if they have not met the “ right person” yet, it is just a matter of not having dated enough people. This lovemaking style is unideal, she says, because searching for perfection (which likely does not exist) can keep someone from building a healthy relationship. 
Likewise, even if you did consider someone to be perfect when you met, since people evolve, that sense of perfection likely will not be constant. That is why Ury encourages maximizers to remember that great connections are built, not found “ It is further about understanding that everyone comes with strengths and weaknesses and putting in the effort to build the relationship you want, not just waiting for that great relationship to be discovered."

2. The hesitator 

The hesitator has “ unrealistic expectations of themselves,” as opposed to others, says Ury. A hesitator might wait until the “ right time” to start dating, whether that means first securing an impressive job or looking a certain way before putting yourself out there. “ There is always a reason why they can not date yet,” says Ury. 
The issue with this lovemaking style, Ury says, is that hesitators are oft waiting to be the best version of themselves before they meet potential suitors, but growth only comes through action (not waiting for a change). 
“ Dating is a skill. You only get better at lovemaking by actually going on dates.” — Logan Ury, dating coach 
“ Dating is a skill. You only get better at lovemaking by actually going on dates,” says Ury. “ So it is not like one day you are one hundred per cent ready to date and you go out there and someone falls in love with you. You are actively getting better over time by lovemaking.” 
Her top advice for hesitators? “ You have to go out there and see how different dynamics impact you," she says." Stop waiting and start dating.” Hesitators can keep themselves accountable to their lovemaking aims by setting a timeline for when they will download lovemaking applications, get clothes to wear on dates, and, from there, actually go on dates. “ There is no value in sitting around making excuses and not dating,” says Ury. “ And if you say I am working on myself,' great do that in tandem with lovemaking.” 

3. The romanticizer 

The romanticizer is the person who loves love, says Ury, and this oftentimes leads to them having unrealistic expectations of what a romantic relationship is and how they should start. 
“ They are holding on to be at the farmer's market and reach across for that perfect tomato at the same time as their future better half,” Ury says, adding that romanticizers oftentimes expect there to be a singular moment when they know that a person is right for them. 
Folks who fit into this lovemaking style tend to shy away from dating apps or putting in work because they believe both of those things to be unromantic. Also, folks in the romanticizer camp may have certain ideas for what their romantic, lifelong better half should be and look like and that can shut the door for others who do not perfectly fit that mould." I oftentimes have to say to them, ‘I do not believe in the one. I do nor believe in a soul mate," says Ury of romanticizers. “There are multiple people who you could be with and have different lives with.” Once romanticizers internalize this reality, they are more likely to understand that “ putting effort in is romantic,” she adds. 
Concerning the general importance of dating styles or tendencies no matter which best describes you. Ury is quick to remind us that the way we go into a relationship is ultimately just a small portion of its overall timeline. And remembering that is powerful for dismantling limiting beliefs or practices in lovemaking. “ You should be open to this person coming in different packages,” she says. “You may be very anchored on a specific type of person looking a certain way, and you might be wrong about who will make you happiest long term.”



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