First message on dating apps matters more than you think. In a digital sea of swipes, likes, and ghosting, opening with “hey” is like showing up to a job interview in pyjamas. It’s forgettable, lazy, and gives the other person nothing to work with.
In 2025, dating apps are more crowded—and competitive—than ever. If you want to stand out, you need more than just a decent profile. You need an opener that sparks interest, not silence.
Why “Hey” doesn’t work anymore
“Hey” is passive. It says, “I matched with you but I’m not willing to put in effort.” In most apps, women (and increasingly men) are tired of generic messages that feel like copy-paste boredom.
Psychology behind the rejection:
- Low-effort = low investment
- It’s too vague—no question, no hook
- Everyone uses it, so it gets ignored
Think of it this way: you only get one shot at a first impression. A single line can decide whether they swipe past you—or engage in a full conversation.
What your first message should actually do
- Show that you read their profile
- Reference a shared interest or photo
- Ask a light, creative question
- Set the tone (fun, witty, curious, kind)
Better openers than “hey” (with examples)
If they love travel:
- “You’ve been to Iceland?! What was the wildest thing you saw there?”
- “Okay, so dream vacation: mountain cabin or island beach?”
If they love food:
- “Pineapple on pizza: yes or no?”
- “You just posted sushi. Roll recommendations for a beginner?”
If they love pets:
- “Your dog is adorable. What’s their guilty pleasure snack?”
- “Cat cuddler or dog adventurer—where do you land?”
Use profile prompts to your advantage
Most apps now include prompts like “A random fact I love is…” or “My ideal weekend…” These are built-in openers. If they write “I love cheesy crime documentaries,” reply with:
“Okay, you’re stranded in a true crime doc. Are you the detective or the getaway driver?”
Mid-article reads from ichhori.com:
What if they said “hey” to you first?
You have two options:
- Option 1: Ignore it—especially if effort matters to you
- Option 2: Flip it with humour: “That’s it? Not even a haiku?” or “Risky move. I’ll give you one more shot 😉”
Apps where this really matters
On Bumble, women make the first move—so ditching “hey” is even more important. On Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid, where everyone messages, unique openers get more replies and dates.
In fact, Hinge data in 2024 revealed that messages referencing a profile had 45% more response rates than “hey” or “hi.”
How to be confident without being creepy
- Keep it under 2 lines
- Be witty, but not offensive
- Skip overused lines like “You’re so beautiful” — that’s in every inbox
- Avoid sexual innuendo in your first message (especially to women)
Quick first-message templates
- “Your playlist game looks strong. Can you convert a metalhead?”
- “I’ve got three hours and a craving for ramen—got a favourite spot?”
- “You mentioned road trips. Where’s your go-to recharge destination?”
- “You seem like someone who actually responds. Let’s test that theory.”
More ichhori.com reads on messaging and first impressions:
Final Thoughts
First message on dating apps sets the entire tone of your interaction. In 2025, “hey” is the digital equivalent of a shrug—it says nothing. But with just a little effort, you can create a message that actually gets noticed, replied to, and maybe even remembered. Choose creativity, curiosity, and respect—and let “hey” die quietly in your drafts folder.